#the comfort of normalcy he has being with el

[sleepymrshmllow]

insp 🌸

[kiirotoao]

Navigating Concessions: The Case Against and For Byler

Alright, so this sounds insane coming from a Byler, I know. But just to really tease out all of the reasons why I like/ship Byler, I want to try something. (I’ve also been receiving a small influx of questions arguing against Byler, so that’s where this idea came from.)

I’m going to try to examine some moments that raise questions amidst Mike and Will’s relationship and try to explain them as if there’s nothing romantic going on. Nothing. After that, I’m going to go into why I do see things as potentially romantic.

1. “It was a seven.” (s1)

Well, obviously nothing’s going on, here. It’s the first 8 minutes of the show, and we’re just establishing the characters. The purpose of this scene was to show that Will is honest, and it’s nothing new to Mike. Showing Mike’s reaction is to emphasize just that - this is a normal occurrence, and he has no idea what’s going to happen next.

The thing about this scene that I love is that it’s simple and to-the-point. It’s true! Nothing is happening here, not yet, and that’s the point. Even in normalcy, Will trusts Mike. Even though this is a setup of what’s about to happen to Will, this ends up being the defining point of Will’s character that allows us to root for him. I can agree that nothing romantic is necessarily happening here, but it’s really sweet that the show decided to start here with the two of them over anyone else in The Party.

2. “Crazy together.” (s2)

In this scene, they’re literally talking about the Mind Flayer and El. It’s not about themselves. To say that this is a true heart-to-heart is not genuine. They’re confiding in each other after Will went through a bad episode and Mike is simply empathizing with him. To say that entrusting in someone with your deepest secrets is romantic is untrue, because friends do it all the time. This was probably included just to show how Mike and Will dealt with their traumatic experiences.

This is already getting painful and I regret everything. So the biggest counter point I know for this scene is that indeed, Mike brings up El. Therefore, his mind is on her, right? Well, it’s actually a lot more fleeting than that. He brings her up, but he immediately drops it and focuses on Will right after. Subject matter is often used as a point of contention for Byler/Mleven because the topic is always Mleven, but this time, it’s just plainly untrue. Mike and Will are talking about this encounter with the Mind Flayer, and Mike is empathizing with Will by bringing up a situation similar to his through El. He thinks of her as a claim to his main point, being there for Will. Mike is sweetly giving his time and his comfort to Will, and they’re both being vulnerable about their fears. You simply cannot deny their vulnerability to each other that’s uniquely theirs. This exploration and presentation of intimate traumas is so sweet of them to confide in each other.

3. The shed scene (s2)

This scene is heartbreaking. Will is possessed, here. We don’t know if he can fully hear Mike, evidently because he’s struggling to express himself. Everyone is fighting to get Will back from the Mind Flayer. This moment is sweet as it sheds (haha) light on Mike and Will’s origin story as best friends for years, which doesn’t include anything romantic of the sort. It’s just a retelling of them meeting on a swingset and choosing to be best friends. It’s cute, but it’s nothing much more than that. Plus, Mike is speaking alongside Will’s family, so he’s directly parallel to family in this sequence.

First and foremost to counter this - guess who isn’t here? Dustin and Lucas, who definitely have memories of Will in their lives, right? But no, neither of them are there. They’re needed to transcribe the Morse code that Will taps while Mike is there, in the fray, giving his all to fight for Will. And Mike is in tears. This scene tugs at the heart because it remains one of the most vulnerable moments Mike has ever shown onscreen. And yes, Will may not fully hear him, but Will is trying. Mike is the third person he’s hearing from, and it’s clear that Will is in a state of struggle. He’s not given up, not succumbed to the power of the Mind Flayer just yet. Will almost cries, too. We only see his face fully harden again when Joyce speaks to him after this scene with Mike. I love this scene because of how emotional it is. Mike is doing everything he can to keep Will present, loving him alive alongside the two people who’ve raised him. To me, this isn’t simply a display of Mike being like family, it’s a display of Mike’s intimacy with Will that’s just as strong as the other people who’ve loved him his entire life.

4. The rain scene (s3)

This one seems obvious and plain enough, Mike and Will don’t get each other. They’re arguing, disagreeing about what teenage-hood is, and they both very clearly define it differently. Mike comes to Will trying to understand him, arguing that he’s just prioritizing his girlfriend at this point in life and that he can’t pay attention to everything that he once did. In contrast, Will says that he just wants thing to stay the same with The Party together, playing D&D, having fun like they used to. He and Mike are no longer on level ground. When Mike says, “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls,” it’s the final indication that he knows that he himself likes girls and that they cannot be on the same field since Will doesn’t appear to want the same things that he does and can’t relate to Mike because he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Mike also continues to talk about El and how he clearly prioritizes her. Will just isn’t growing up the same as Mike and Mike clearly isn’t into Will. He hasn’t been all season. He’s just spelling that out here since Will prompted him to.

On the surface, they’re separating. At the core, they’re not on the same level. But underneath, they’re just trying to learn what the other wants. Once again, if this was meant to highlight the separation of the friend group, where are Dustin and Lucas? Dustin’s far away, but Lucas could have come in. He’s right there at the Wheeler’s house. But no, he’s not there. This is a scene between Mike and Will alone as they defeatedly explain why they’re upset as a final plea to each other. Will starts it, Mike carries it. Just like the “crazy together” scene, this is an exclusive moment between them as they share what’s on their hearts, and El is on Mike’s mind as an added point to his perspective compared to Will’s. I’m always so fascinated by Mike’s wording because by saying “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls,” he emphasizes Will’s lack of attraction rather than lack of a romantic relationship which raises a question to me of why Mike would peel back that layer in the first place. It’s not answered fully here, but it raises the question nonetheless, and to ignore that and say it’s just Mike merely drawing a line of differentiation between them is shallow. All in all, yes, they don’t get each other. But that’s why we have this scene, because they’re trying to find out, and based on the way their breaks in conversation leaven them both rather stunned, maybe they know each other more than meets the eye.

5. “Not possible.” (s3)

This scene lasts, like, ten seconds long. It’s far too insignificant to analyze, and anyone who does is looking way too deeply into the subtext. This scene highlights that Mike and Will are still friends and still can very much miss each other like anyone would when a close friend is moving away. It’s a sealant to their once broken relationship to set up their friendship continuing on and that the both of them still like D&D and that the game as well as The Party as a whole will continue to be relevant to the story. If anything, this moment sets up that Will is in love with Mike as only he makes the promise to not join another party, showing his loyalty to Mike that Mike does not explicitly reciprocate. This entire thing was included in the show to give the audience a breath of closure for them this season and show that they still are close. This one hurt to write, too. Holy shit.

The show very well could have shown us that Mike and Will’s relationship was still intact through the hug sequences during Hopper’s letter, but nope, we get another exclusive Mike and Will moment. Once again, Dustin and Lucas are pointedly not here, making this not about The Party but them in it. And this time, it’s through the thing they argued about and both still clearly wanted to commit to, further disproving the idea that Mike has grown up way faster than Will and was truly ready to ditch D&D. Mike even brings up joining another party first. Will simply replies to him. And the smiles that they give each other are so sweet. Comparing how Mike is left confused and frowning when El leaves him to this little glowing smirk when Will leaves him is insane. Will makes Mike smile; it’s a tiny flirt that can go unnoticed, but the brevity helps not to call out too much unneeded attention to it, otherwise, would them flirting for minutes on end seem appropriate after the reality that they’re parting ways and helping the Byers move out? I don’t think so. Still, it’s rather key to me that they filmed this exchange between the sadness. It’s a breath of closure alright, one that looks up on their relationship.

6. The airport scene (s4)

This scene is so undeniably awkward. There’s literally nothing romantic about two friends reuniting like this. It’s strained, Will’s lying here about the painting being “nothing,” and Mike makes terse and disinterested remarks. He’s clearly not focused on Will. Just before this, by contrast, he was able to kiss El, hug her, and he gave her flowers. This puts a gap between Mike and Will to set up how they become “best friends” again later on, setting them apart on a journey of growth that stays platonic. It’s pretty obvious that Mike doesn’t really care about Will right then.

This scene is undeniably awkward. But y’know who Mike isn’t awkward around? Literally everyone else in his life. He can hug everyone he loves except for Will. And yes, he kissed El, but it’s been established that they kissed a lot the summer before and can do that instinctively, and yet Mike cannot write that “love, Mike.” Will then responds with doubt upon seeing Mike so closed off to him, not wanting to give away something that Mike may not accept or treat well even after so much hard work has been put into it. It’s a moment of testing the waters, and yeah, Mike doesn’t pass the vibe check, but it helps to set up how differently Mike actually thinks very exclusively regarding Will: “Hawkins, it’s not the same without you.” If Mike simply didn’t care and they started from the bottom, why is he talking about home and being a team literally two days after this with Will alone? This scene sets up not just a growth of friendship but of the bond these two have that not even awkwardness or ignoring it can deny.

7. The apology scene (s4)

So now we get to the days after the awkwardness. Being back together, Mike is able to see how rude he was and how much he still values Will. These two are unstoppable when it comes to overcoming dangers, and Mike knows that. He simply misses his friend who’s been through so much together with him. He brings up platonic terms like “team” and “best friends,” clearly wanting Will back in his life as just that, a best friend by his side. Best friends reconcile after bad arguments all the time. This was finally making up for not seeing their forgiveness after last season’s fight. This scene highlights their maturity to understand wrongs and overcome self-doubt, establishing their working together for the rest of the season to come.

Alright, I couldn’t even pretend to deny their togetherness in the concession. Because seriously, no one can tell me that this scene wasn’t romantic. Mike, completely and admittedly unprompted (re: “oh, I didn’t say it” “you didn’t have to”), comes into Will’s room, shuts the door and establishes privacy before he lays down his heart not only at the Rink-O-Mania but for the “year” before it and how Hawkins isn’t the same without Will. Yes, he mentions platonic terms, and yes, he never says “god, I needed you” or “I love you,” but did he have to? The intimacy and visually private moment is so very clearly written between these two alone. You don’t get these types of moments often between mere platonic characters. This type of outpouring is written and framed with a closeness that’s almost uncomfortable for the audience. Just look at how they react to each other. They’re on the verge of tears, happy, relieved, and excited to be back together as a unit. It’s a sure sign of Mike’s maturity as he doesn’t just brush this off or play it down in a merely friendly way. This is focused, this is only for Will. It’s a reconciliation as well as a promise. Again, no, it’s not openly romantic, but it sure as hell serves as an example that Mike can be vulnerable and tenderhearted to Will just as Will gives grace to him.

So, I mean, I don’t know. Are there any arguments I missed? Because I remain pretty unshaken. Byler’s endgame and all the setup is there despite the concessions.

[the-lark-ascending69]

People i want my babygirl Robin to be bullied by:

Billy: obvious option but not less delicious. He's the worst person you've ever met. He probably has no qualms hitting women. Gross disgusting bastard who probably finds Robin both pathetic and arousing. Wouldn't go out of his way to stalk her but he'd have fun cornering her and whispering some really sick comments into her ear while she's paralized by fear if he finds her. His violence is more psychological than physical most times, but if she ever tries to run or fight or do anything else than stay really still and hope he gets bored and leave, he'd grab her by the back of her neck and shake her like a dog. Possibly smelled her homosexuality from a mile away and decided he wanted to "fix her" in the way that's most personally entertaining for him, but he never gets that far. Doesn't make Robin less scared, tho.

Jason: Slightly less obvious option but arguably more compelling than Billy even. Satanic panic idiot, popular boy, respected by the community, dead girlfriend. WOULD get physically violent with Robin much faster than Billy if she and Chrissy were friends. Terrorizing Robin has less to do with his own pleasure and more with incontrollable rage and hatred. Possibly thinks Robin preyed on Chrissy. Has no interest in "fixing" her. He wants to cleanse Hawkins of all traces of her. He wants her in the bottom of the lake.

Nancy: now, don't get me wrong, Nancy loves Robin. She adores her. The way Robin makes Nancy feel is absolutely maddening. Nancy doesn't know what to do with all this feeling - it's dangerous and devastating and terrifying, and it means the final death of the girl she used to think she was. The end of her last tether to normalcy. And Robin is at fault. Because Robin is not normal. And becoming so close with such a freak had been risky. Oh, god, she liked women. How could a woman like women? What was there to like, other than their soft hair and delicate hands and sweet voice? It made no sense. It was inverse, it was - it didn't work like that. Of course, she never goes as far as Billy or Jason. She never yells or threatens or goes out of her way to hurt Robin. But she hurts her nonetheless. She avoids her, for one, and when she can't avoid her, she tells her to keep quiet. To let her do the talking. She ignores Robin when she tries to speak to her and replies to Steve instead - as if Robin were a kid and Steve was the responsible adult looking after her. Robin doesn't understand why her friend is suddenly treating her like this. It started when she told Nancy the truth about her, and she'd reacted awkwardly, sure, and the whole pulling away was something she half expected - no one wants to be friends with a lesbian - but the way she treated her otherwise... it didn't just seem like she was uncomfortable with her. It sounded like she was sick of her. Like she'd realized what a pathetic joke of a person Robin was and couldn't help but feel disgust and frustration whenever she saw her. Like she couldn't help but take it out on her. Suddenly Nancy was telling her to shut up while Robin tried to tell her about an important good idea, or about her feelings, or about anything, really. Suddenly Nancy was pulling her away from the group to secretly tell her she couldn't stay in her house, despite everyone else being there. She offers her an uncomfortable fake smile and lies to her and says something along the lines of her mother suspecting Robin is a queer, and Nancy not wanting her to find out. And Robin knows Nancy is a bad liar, but she feels a shiver run down her spine, scared of the hidden half-truth. She asks Nancy if she's serious. Nancy shrugs, and maybe she tells her she doesn't feel comfortable letting her sleep in the basement with the rest when Max and El are there. She knows Robin will understand. She knows Steve can drop her off at her house or something. But then Robin panics and her eyes water and she tries to talk to Nancy so hard and she just... grabs Nancy's hand, begging her to please, please look at her and listen to her, she doesn't want this. And then a hot pain hits her cheek, and it dawns on her that Nancy just slapped her. Let me go, she says, because Robin is still holding her hand, and Robin mumbles a soft Nance, before she slaps her again. She lets go. No one had ever hit her before. Steve drives her to her house and she stays quiet during the whole ride, eyes still watery, despite Steve's questioning. She absently looks out the window. She doesn't want to speak ever again.

Steve: bet you didn't expect this one. Well, neither did Robin, but a lot of things change after he gets back together with Nancy. Things were normal at first - best of friends, closer than siblings. Nancy wasn't even mad that he spent so much time with Robin. But everything fell apart when Robin confessed her second great secret to Steve, and she was an idiot, of course she was - you didn't say these things to your friend. What kind of person does that? She deserved everything that happened after. She deserved it when Steve looked at her with disgust. She deserved it when he got angry at her, when they fought, and she would later regret defending herself - it didn't matter if she felt like this long before he got back together with Nancy. It didn't matter that he'd told her he didn't love her anymore. None of that mattered because the rules were different for Robin, and for this, she couldn't be forgiven. Suddenly Steve was cold towards her. Suddenly he stopped insisting that they all hang out together, and when sharing a space became inevitable, he acted distant. Protective of Nancy. He observed Robin through the corner of his eye while holding Nancy close to his chest, and it made Robin feel like an animal. Like she should somehow be in jail. But if losing Nancy hurt, losing Steve destroyed her, and she tried to talk to him - always her and her stupid mouth - she talked and talked and he and Nancy just looked at her with so much contempt, that she couldn't help but start crying. And she tries to approach Nancy, tries to talk to her, and it happens so quickly - Nancy tenses up, Steve presses his hand against Robin's chest and roughly pushes her back, making her almost lose her balance. Robin desperately tries to step forward, but he pushes her back again, now he's coming forward, getting into her space in a way that makes Robin feel disgustingly mannish - who treats a woman like this? - when he shoves her back once more and tells her to quit being a creep around his girl. And Robin can't believe her ears, she can't believe this is Steve, her brother, talking to her like this, but his eyes are hard and cold, and Robin feels so inhuman under his gaze.

Now she has no one to help her if Billy or Jason get their hands on her.

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

What if before the time skip the Byers-Hopper family has to go somewhere (like to a military base to help El get stronger, something like Nina) for the duration of the time skip and the plot picks up right after they get back to Hawkins. So once reunited Mike and El finally have a chance to talk about their relationship.

To elaborate on the above:

I imagine when season 5 starts they would get some control over the UD taking over Hawkins, otherwise they would have to evacuate the town, so maybe before time skip they have a small victory that gives them some time to prepare for what's to come. And maybe Owens (or someone else) would offer a chance to train up El (it could be Will too, if we find out about him having powers pre time skip, although I think they would drag out that plot twist at least until the middle of the season... but who knows? It would be cool if after time skip Will returned with powers, and we could have some cool flashback about him training with El).

If El (and Will?) were to go for training, I imagine their family would stick together. This would also sort of put a pause on the whole love triangle with not only Mike and El not being able to interact, but also Mike and Will being separated (imagine Mike thinking about the painting without being able to ask either of them for almost two years, poor boy).

This way Mike and El would have a chance to talk about their relationship post time skip, and it wouldn't make the viewers feel like they were dragging out their relationship for that period of time.

What do you think?...

There's so much we can speculate on regarding that scene, which is what I think makes this fun. With absolutely no context, we have no idea what may come before or after this scene, though the picture of Mike in his room wearing the same clothes suggests the two scenes are on the same day.

There would be a lot they'd have to explain if El is going off to train with Owens or the military or whatever, though. El and the others have no reason to trust anyone in the military, except maybe Owens. However, Owens was last seen being found by Sullivan's men after he was betrayed by Brenner and handcuffed by his men.

I do like the idea of El (and Will!) going off to train, but Mike would never let either of them go without him. He already goes mental when Will leaves, and the last time El left to train she ended up being in danger of being killed by Sullivan. Though there is still Owens' agent that went to Hawkins, so maybe she could play a role in that. It's an interesting idea, but I just can't see them doing another training arc.

So, maybe not necessarily that idea, but I do think that if there is an extended time skip, which El's hair and Hopper's beard suggest, that there should also be something to set it up. We shouldn't just pick up months and months later, especially considering how season 4 ended. There has to be some kind of Avengers: Endgame scene to set up the "18 Months Later" or however long it ends up being.

As for Mike and El's relationship continuing, I think they could just be going through the motions. After Max "died" and El failed to find her, she may need comfort and normalcy. Mike also now has reason to feel like she needs him, thanks to Will's painting, so he's going to want to be there for her. I think the romance will be gone from their relationship. Maybe Mike keeps trying to "help" because that's what he thinks she loves about him, but she sort of stays away from him like she did in the cabin. Will would have accidentally screwed everything up by trying to help, leading to El and Mike needing to have a conversation.

You do have a point about just how long they'd be dragging out the relationship, but keep in mind how long Karen and Ted have been doing it. Maybe they just really want to drive home how similar their relationships are, allowing Mike and El to avoid the same fate as Mike's parents. Honestly, I think Mike is going to need El to reveal she had nothing to do with the painting because I think that's going to be what's holding them together at this point. Mike is dedicated now because of how much Will's words touched him.

[apuckishwit]

Platonic Max and Eddie: “want me to stay?”

(Only if you’re still accepting prompts, of course! ❤️)

“Want me to stay?”

The offer is made quietly. Softly. Barely a whisper that nonetheless carries across the width of the downstairs guestroom in the Harrington house. She still insists on calling it a guestroom, even though it’s hers now for all intents and purposes. It’s been her room for months, but she’s still not quite ready to admit that. Not quite ready to admit that her mother isn’t going to be coming back for her—to take her back to the rebuilt trailer park, or another apartment, or even out of Hawkins altogether. No one can find Susan Mayfield and Max isn’t sure if her mother is one of the many victims of the fissures that had ripped through Hawkins last year or if she sought shelter somewhere else and just doesn’t know that Max survived or if she did know and just chose to leave anyway. Start somewhere new.

Max doesn’t know which option to hope for.

So she calls her room at Steve’s place the guestroom and Steve lets her, nodding along even as he uses the credit card his parents have never stopped payments on even though he’s supposed to be cut off to buy her furniture she likes and clothes she can maneuver into and out of easily on bad pain days and any color of paint she wants for the walls.

She shifts now on the bed, letting the big, fluffy comforter that El helped her pick out fall from her shoulders, and clicks the light on the bedside table. Eddie is lounging in her—the—doorway, hair a wild nest of tangles, dressed in flannel pants and a Hawkins High basketball team shirt that she knows will say Harrington on the back.

“Heard, uh, heard you yelling,” Eddie says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’d sleep through an air raid,” she mutters, sharp and short, but Eddie just shrugs.

“Steve heard you yelling and woke me up,” he amends.

Neither of them have outright said anything, but they all know Eddie spends more nights here than anyone else except Max herself, and those nights are most certainly not spent in one of the other guestrooms.

And here is the thing.

On her good days—days when her limbs don’t ache quite as much, when she feels like she can walk for a while, when her head isn’t aching and her now shitty, shitty vision isn’t blurring worse—she wants Lucas and El. Dustin. Will and Mike, and now Nancy and Robin. She wants her friends (and more in the case of Lucas), wants to go out into Hawkins…to the newly-rebuilt arcade, or to one of the restaurants that are slowly coming back. She wants to claw back any bit of normalcy she can. She wants to smile and laugh with El, and hold Lucas’s hand and let him play with her hair and kiss her like she’s something beautiful and precious when the others are distracted.

On physical therapy days, or days where she knows she has to do her exercises or she’s going to regret it later, she wants Steve. She wants his firm, sure grip on her hands or shoulders, wants his steady presence at her back, wants the way he never coddles her, but also never, ever lets her fall. She wants the way he knows when she can push her muscles and when she really does need to slow down and take a break and the way he lets her rage and snarl and snap at him and just takes it in stride, bitching right back to her the way some of the others still seem afraid to do.

In the night, though…when the dreams won’t let her rest, when every shadow seems to be too dark, too menacing, when she swears she hears a growling, evil voice just underneath the wind, she wants Eddie.

El and Will are the ones who understand what Vecna and the Upside Down did to her best. But Eddie understands it all. The horror of being used by Vecna to hurt their friends. The terror of thinking they would never find a way out, that they’d be trapped and forgotten in that hellscape forever. But Eddie also understands that sometimes her dreams aren’t of Vecna at all. That some monsters can grow in the human world—no horrific government agencies, or interdimensional hell beings needed. Eddie understands all the ways a hard life can break you down, all the ways that people who are supposed to love you and care for you can let you down hard. And he understands all the sharp bits she had to develop to protect herself, is never cut by them the way the others are sometimes, because he had to develop them himself once upon a time, had to keep some of them even after he came to live with his uncle.

Max knows her friends all love her. Accept her. Will never leave her.

But Eddie gets her.

She doesn’t answer his question verbally, but gives a slow nod. Eddie just grins, scrambling into the room and immediately grabbing the overstuffed armchair in the corner and dragging it over to sit by the bed. He flops into it dramatically, and kicks his legs up onto the foot of the bed.

“So, fair maiden, shall I find something to read, shall we discuss the truly hilarious display that was Mike Wheeler trying to convince Hopper that those condoms that fell out of his backpack weren’t his—spoiler alert, they weren’t, teach that little shit to try and peek at my DM notes—”

“I knew it was you!” Max laughs, the tension already draining from her shoulders. She sits back against the headboard, tucking her comforter around her more securely. Sleep probably won’t be coming for a while, but the shadows aren’t as deep and Eddie’s voice drowns out the wind and though Steve never intrudes on their little bubble, she knows eventually the scent of hot chocolate is going to drift in from the kitchen.

Maybe tomorrow will be a good day.

[gayofthefae]

Thinking of El and Mike and this feeling I got on my rewatch watching El skate away from Mike through the crowd crying of "I don't want you to comfort me right now, you don't even love me" and how her lying was very much to create Mike's visit as an escape, an escape the problems they were having broke once they came up - that she tried to deny when she saw "From" on the flowers but couldn't anymore once the ruse was up anyways.

And how Mike has always been her escape. Literally and figuratively. She escaped from the lab to him in season 1. She escaped from Hopper's cabin to him in season 2, but again, when she was disappointed by seeing him with Max not granting that expected reprieve, she left, understandably. At the Snow Ball, she escaped into one night of normalcy with Mike. Then Mike was her emotional escape because she couldn't leave her house to much but she could bring him to her - a figurative escape, bringing the world to her because she couldn't go out in it, in a sense.

But then she found more of that from Max as well. She found both physical and emotional escape at the mall. She found escape from Mike, something new to try: freedom from "stupid boys" that she hadn't had without losing her attachment to normalcy and peace. Then she could be more content with both because being able to be attached to more people also meant that it lived in her the most, not dependent on them.

Within the stress, she could go to both of them. Her and Mike's light relationship troubles - "silly fights; stupid fights" as he put it - still felt secure and so they offered a different point of focus in the stress. For instance, in the store scene ("blank makes you crazy"). Then Hopper was gone. Her dependent figure. So that was back to Mike. And she was moving away from Max, who was also becoming more depressed and likely less consistent than Mike's daily communication. So it all fell more on Mike.

And Mike was the one visiting, so she almost prepared this one-week escape for herself. She would tell these lies that everything was okay and they would live in a world for just a week where everything was okay. And as it came, of course, little things arose that she hadn't prepared for. Like how the card on the flowers said "From". Or how she would have to avoid her brother because knew too much about her lies and so to maintain them she had to distance herself after he called her out too much at the airport.

So when it all came crashing down, there was no use for any part of it anymore. If the illusion is broken, it's broken. Everyone hates her. And her boyfriend can't tell her he loves her; he can't even write it. And she's tired of lying to him that she doesn't know too. She's just emotionally exhausted - too emotionally exhausted to let "care" slide this time.

So this time she escapes into being a superhero again. That feeling. That high. Because she can't be normal and she can't seem to be loved. Not how she wants to be, at least. She thought she had nothing left, but she could become a superhero again.

Then she escaped NINA. She escaped the government. And she did it herself, albeit with a getaway van. And she just escaped. She didn't escape to anyone or anything, in a way. She was going somewhere, but once she took that helicopter down, she had escaped.

She was free. And independent. And she was going to free Max too. But she didn't. Not quite. Not in time. She saved her. But she didn't free her. She escaped. She saved Max. But she didn't free her.

She failed on her own. When it mattered most. And Hopper came back. And Mike was there and loved her. They're dependable. But that doesn't mean she has to be dependent on them.

I'm hopeful to see her journey, but I do still think there are steps to it because she got there and stepped back with her failure, to interdependence. She can do things on her own. But she doesn't have to. And she can balance those. Carrying all the weight is bound to crush you. You do that too long, you'll tire and you will fail. They don't need to hold her up. But she can let them support her.

[chadillacboseman]

Las Almas Blues

Pairing: Alejandro Vargas x F!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of injury, the military industrial complex, etc. We all know what MW2 is about at this point. Alejandro being a big ass softie.

Summary: Post MWII. Alejandro has had his ass kicked, been betrayed, lost at least one squadmate, and finally took down the woman who has caused all of the bloodshed in his beloved Las Almas. There's only one person he looks to for comfort in the aftermath.

Word Count: Very short. Call it an exercise in getting back into the groove I guess.

A/N: Some use of Spanish language, translations provided at the bottom. NO mention of reader's skin, hair, or eye color. Reader does also speak a lil Spanish.

--

Every inch of Alejandro's body ached as if he'd been run through a meat grinder. Bruises and burns that had gone unnoticed before suddenly throbbed now that the surge of adrenaline had left his muscles.

"Oye hermano- " Rudy peered through the rear view mirror when they hit another bump that sent Alejandro into a fit of animated groans, "¿Estás bien?"

"Estoy bien. Just get me home."

Rudy grunted in response and directed the SUV down a darkened street that wound its way out of Las Almas and into the mountains that surrounded it.

The house was tucked just beyond a range of steep peaks that reached for the sky, their black, jagged edges just barely visible against the deep blue above them. Alejandro had known the house as a child- the former home of an American painter who had been scared off by the cartel violence that threatened to encroach upon his front yard.

But it never did.

It was why he had chosen this place to hide you- to keep you distant from the violence and the bloodshed he saw every day. To give you some sense of normalcy behind the suspiciously tall fence and armed Vaqueros that lined the property.

Rudy signaled to one of the men at the gate and jerked his head toward the rear of the vehicle.

"Bienvenido, jefe," the guard glanced in the back seat and Alejandro offered him a nod in return.

--

From upstairs, you watched the lights of the SUV as they turned through the gate and came to a stop in the driveway. One of the back doors opened and a figure that was unmistakably Alejandro's stumbled out, hunched over as if in pain.

"Alejo-" you breathed his name and bolted for the stairs, taking them two at a time until you reached the foyer. You waited, fingers wringing in worry until the front door opened and he stumbled through.

"Vida mia-" Alejandro practically collapsed into your arms and you took a few steps backward as his weight fell against you and his heavy gear bags dropped to the floor, "te he extrañado."

"¿Qué pasó?" You pulled back to examine his face- he looked exhausted, every line seemed etched into his skin as if into a granite slab.

How could he possibly begin to explain his week to you?

"Hey, we caught El Sin Nombre- turns out it was an old squadmate-"

"Rudy almost died in a burning building, but he drove me home."

"We saved the US from a missile strike."

"A lot," was all he could muster, so you left it at that. You'd seen him bloodier than this more times than you liked to think about, but never had you seen him so utterly exhausted.

"Come upstairs."

Alejandro took your hand and followed you up the stairs to the master bathroom where he perched himself on the edge of the bathtub. His head throbbed in the brightness there- a new, sharper pain that shot down his jawline with every movement.

"Here," you pressed a cool cloth to his forehead and he leaned into it, his eyes squeezed shut against the ache. His head came to a rest against your midriff and you chuckled, running your fingers through his tousled black hair, "You going to live?"

"Maybe," he murmured against the fabric of your sweater, "Maybe not."

You pulled his head back gently and he grinned weakly up at you, his soft eyes glinting in the bathroom light. The grin faded when he spoke again.

"I almost died out there," Alejandro's eyes darkened for a moment as his mind wandered to the way Rodriguez's body had tumbled from the cliffside, lifeless into the ravine below, "I lost a good man, too."

"Alejo," he hummed in response to the nickname, something so personal, something he held so dear when you spoke it, "When will you give this up?"

You had asked him that question a thousand times.

Through tears, through screams, while squeezing his hand at his bedside. Time and time again, he had told you that Las Almas needed him- that he couldn't abandon the good people of the city like a dog with its tail between its legs.

But now? Now Valeria was behind bars, maybe even permanently. Los Vaqueros were back on top despite their losses, and for once, Alejandro felt as if maybe he could give it up.

"Would that make you happy, mi amor?" he rose to his feet and clasped your hands in his, "You want this old man to hang it up?"

You laughed, the first genuine laugh you'd had since he had been gone with the American taskforce. It made his heart sing to hear it, to see your face light up as it broke open into a bright smile.

Rudy could take the helm- he was more than capable of continuing Los Vaqueros without Alejandro.

Since the day he had first met you, he'd dreamed of giving you the life you deserved- one that wasn't fraught with worry or tinged with loneliness when he had to be away.

Because God, he loved you. He loved everything about you. He wanted you to be happy in ways he wasn't even sure he could make you-

But he could try.

And he would try every day of his life until he succeeded.

--

--

TRANSLATIONS:

Oye hermano. ¿Estás bien? - Hey Brother, you alright?

Estoy bien - I'm good/I'm fine.

Bienvenido, jefe - Welcome, boss.

Vida mia, te he extrañado - my life, I've missed you.

mi amor - my love

[chirpsythismorning]

Will Won't Believe Mike Has Feelings For Him, Until Mike Unpacks EVERYTHING!

In season 2, almost every touch between byler was initiated by Mike. Literally two episodes in a row at the start of that season, the camera focuses on Mike wrapping his arm around Will's shoulder warmly, only for us to never see this gesture from Mike again until s4, except this time it's with El (feat. Will in the background).

This is important because it means Mike went from initiating touch with Will in the earlier seasons, to not initiating it in the later ones, and conveniently right after he started having a relationship with El.

After holding back from initiating any contact with Will all of s3 (the same season almost all contact between them was initiated by Will for the first time), it's not until the end of the season that Mike lets go of his ih right as Will is about to leave for California, falling into his arms.

And then it takes the literal apocalypse, at the very end of s4, for Mike to wholeheartedly initiate contact with Will again (after yet another season of Will initiating most).

And so it makes sense why Will would be confused.

Because at the end of s3, Mike gives him the impression that he didn't want Will to join another party, with Will basically admitting that was the whole point of him donating the dnd game, because joining another party would literally be impossible for him, so like what's the point?

Will's feelings aren't going away. Whether or not Mike feels the same, is beside the point. Will still wants to be in Mike's life as his friend and he would be ecstatic to be best friends like they used to, entirely platonically.

After all, Will used to attribute Mike's behavior in earlier seasons as platonic, whereas bylers arguably viewed it as romantic. So Will's idea of romantic vs. platonic may very well be different than Mike's (and perhaps ours).

We tend to view those gestures as romantic, especially because Mike went from being able to do them nonchalantly, to now looking like a deer in headlights any time Will so much as slightly grazes his arm.

This is why I think Mike and Will's personal experiences with ih intersect and overlap. It affects them both differently, and that's probably because they had their realizations at different times, but it’s also probably because it started in environments that don’t resemble the exact same circumstances and experiences.

I do think because of Lonnie and because of Will's experiences growing up being bullied, he is understandably scared of being a target and that will never go away, it never does for queer people. That trauma is deep for Will and it's why he can't stand up for El in s4 when it comes to the bullies. It's why he freezes. And yet, even still, he seems a lot more comfortable in being who he is in a way that I just don't think Mike is, at least not fully or to the extent Will is (yet).

And it's because they are at totally different stages of their journey, journeys that are going to look totally different even side by side, but still qualify as both being worthy enough for acknowledgment in the end.

I hate the whole excuse regarding the girl in Will's class, because we don't really get much context there. But I'm guessing that Will obviously knew this girl sort of well. They're sitting next to each other in class, and he's been going to this school for about 6 months, so I highly doubt they are strangers.

I also am assuming they talked enough that this girl felt compelled to flirt by playing footsy, as opposed to her just being attracted to him and doing it on a whim. That obviously doesn't excuse her touching him without his consent, but what I'm trying to say is that there are girls that have liked Will for who he is, after getting to know him, who want to get to know him more romantically and he's just.... not having it.

And so if Will was craving normalcy to the point where he wanted to appear straight, dating a girl that is fully interested in him is obviously one of the popular options a person might consider in that situation. And Will's had this opportunity. This was just one of at least 3 in canon occurrences where a girl implied, 'Hey. I'm interested' towards Will. Which means all he would have to do is play along and he could keep his sexuality locked down and ignore his true feelings, by pretending to be happy in a heterosexual relationship.

We even have an unnamed fourth girl in the mix, who Will doesn't even know exists. This girl exists solely to make Mike insecure about his and Will's relationship. Because in contrast to Will, and most people that don't have extreme cases of ih, Mike views romantic relationships as shutting out everyone else, and he's scared that now that Will might be interested in a girl and moving towards a romantic relationship, he's going to shut Mike out and he'll lose him for good.

But Will doesn't have that same level of denial or self-hatred that might lead one to pursue or even simply draw out an unromantic relationship, at least not anymore. You could try to argue that in s2 Will did because he gave in and danced with the girl (at Mike's insistence), but since then, nothing.

Will is the kind of person that is comfortable enough in his sexuality to literally be single for the rest of his life, contentedly, because that would mean he doesn't have to pretend to be someone he's not to fit society's expectations. He's not scared enough about the implications of not having a gf and what people would think of him as a result. He is who he is and he's accepted that part of himself.

Mike on the other hand, has lots of expectations of himself, that he's sort of forcing himself to obey and follow. And he's also well aware of the implications of everything he does, especially when it relates to Will. He hyper-focuses on his actions and it's why he can't be fully honest about how he feels, and this is because how he has been acting as of late, is mostly an act in and of itself. An act that protects him from exploring the truth about his sexuality. An act that allows him to ignore it all together.

Every time Will has confronted Mike about his inability to be a good friend like he used to be, it's literally coming from a platonic place, not from a place of Will expecting Mike to return his love.

That's the thing, he doesn't think Mike could ever love him because he thinks Mike is straight. But he also (unlike Mike) doesn't have fears about Mike viewing his behavior as romantic, he just has fears that Mike doesn't want him as a friend anymore.

And I think that's the difference between Will's ih and Mike's.

Because Mike's ih is attributed to how he's been taught to believe he must grow up and be a certain way, according to bs media propaganda and from his family, along with how all of those ideas impacted him internally, since he has no one to really talk about it with.

And while Will has experienced some heinous shit in regards to his perceived sexuality at an extremely young age (a lot of which Mike witnessed right beside him or experienced himself firsthand) he doesn't apply those insecurities to his relationship with Mike. Even though Lonnie and those bullies and the scum of town broke him down, his mother loves him and his brother loves him and his best friend said asking him to be his best friend was the best thing he's ever done.

Mike doesn't have that kind of support going on for him when it comes to accepting his sexuality. He's scared, and understandably so.

This contrast between their characters is obvious in the way they go about their relationship, specifically in s4.

For example, Will doesn't view Mike not sending him letters as Mike turning him down romantically, he views it as Mike not caring about him at all, even as a friend.

And that's the main thing that made me have this realization about Mike's behavior in s4, and over the seasons in general because, to Mike, writing a letter to Will had romantic implications.

He sent letters to El and literally couldn't give in to send not even one letter to Will, and it's because, well, it would be too obvious (gay).

I imagine it's possible Will called Mike after they were settled in Cali, because he was still fairly certain they were on good terms considering how they left things (he has no idea Mike is spiraling over being recommitted to El again). Will had little reason to be insecure that Mike wouldn't want to talk to him, so I imagine that initially, things were at least fine.

But then it's been about a week and the Byers get a couple of letters in the mail, one for El and one for Jonathan, and... I can't even imagine what Will might have been feeling in that moment.

And then it happens again. And again. And Will is confused, because he thought they resolved things in their last conversation. He thought that they hugged and they were back to the way things used to be.

We even get this moment where Max is writing letters to everyone, EVERYONE, which makes me think Will did get letters from his other friends after the move, from Dustin, Lucas and even Max. And I think this can also be supported by a few other details. Bc if the phone line was busy, I don’t think any of the other friends would have a problem with writing Will a letter to reach him instead. And so by Dustin complaining about Mike was always whining about the Byers line being busy is an interesting choice bc, why wouldn't Dustin also complain? Wouldn't he want to call to talk to Will too.... Unless, Dustin is fully capable of getting his platonic Will fix via letters, EVEN probably ending them with love Dustin. (Will also knew what Lucas’ hair looked like in s4, which he would only really know if he got a picture of Lucas sent to him in the mail, most likely accompanied by a letter catching up).

I'm honestly guessing, that the only person who didn't write Will, not even once, was Mike.

It makes sense that in the time between s3-s4, Will attributed this behavior from Mike as him just reverting back to his s3 ways. He stopped focusing on Will and put all of his energy into worrying about El (again).

And so although Will doesn't make the effort to reach out to Mike as much as he could have, it's not because he's scared Mike will realize his feelings for him if he 'goes too far' or something. It's because he just genuinely thinks that Mike doesn't want to be his friend anymore.

And then the couple other times Mike himself calls the Byers over those 6 months, it's incredibly awkward. Something is off and Will doesn't know what it is or if it's his fault.

And this is why he puts his heart and soul into that painting.

The party was the last thing they talked about when they last saw each other. And that painting and what it represents reminds Will of a time when they were younger, when they could be themselves. Or more specifically when Mike could be himself and show how much he cared about Will, something he has been incapable of doing to the extent he would like to, for quite some time now. Will's holding onto this small ounce of hope that he just needs to prove to Mike that their friendship can still be what it used to be, if that's what Mike wants of course. And he's not scared that Mike is going to see this as romantic, or he's at least not worried about it. Why else would he put a heart on his shield and plan on giving it to him in front of everyone, in public?

Over the next few months, letters to El (from Mike), are arriving less and less over time, but they're still semi consistent. And all the while Will's just working on his painting with the purest and kindest of intentions.

Then, the day of their reunion finally comes and Will is so excited to hug Mike and give him the painting, but then suddenly, Mike is rejecting him. Instead of going in for a hug like he did at the end of s3, Mike makes his way towards Will, only to pull himself back and tap him on the shoulder instead before they can even hug properly.

Will looked very happy to see Mike, just like Mike did initially. However, in contrast, Will didn't hold himself back from the embrace at all, not until he saw Mike doing it.

Meaning ih wasn't in the way of Will in this moment, but it was in the way for Mike.

Mike's inability to simply hug him back like a friend hugs a friend, is when Will thinks, 'okay. so this painting is probably not the best idea.'

And then all day long, Will is moping, not even thinking about the implications of what it could look like. He doesn't care if he looks like a sad gay boy, because he is a sad gay boy.

Meanwhile Mike is smiling (painfully) most of the day, though we know because Mike lets it slip later, that he was too distracted by Will's moping to even enjoy himself. It was all an act. He was internalizing everything he was truly feeling and thinking in those moments.

Again we're seeing Will being quite capable of showing a full range of emotions, without him worrying about the implications that may come with it, whereas the implications of anything and everything Mike does (or even wears) is a guiding factor for why he is behaving the way that he is.

And then at Rink-O-Mania, Will says, 'what about us' and the entire byler community is gasping.. bc i mean, the guts?? the confidence? the self assurance that he must have had to say something so bold such as, 'what about us??', all while Mike is looking back at him fucking starstruck, wishing he had the balls to say something like that intentionally and not by accident.

Mike has started to be extremely careful about what he says, and in turn Will is having no choice but to do the same.

At this moment, Mike is still reeling from admitting to paying more attention to Will's mood than El who was lying straight to his face, and now Will is suddenly revealing to Mike that he missed him a lot and he was sad that Mike didn't call more...

But instead of Mike being like BRO I called. I called you every day for almost a year... he keeps his mouth shut.

This is the moment we finally see Mike's mask start to crack, because in this moment he reveals that he couldn't write to him because, "She's my girlfriend Will!" and "We're friends. We're friends.".

All of which are things Will never disputed as being basic facts.

The reality is Will isn't upset here because Mike doesn't want to do romantic coded things with him, he's upset because things that used to be platonic for them, that are platonic for most best friends, Mike is suddenly viewing as romantic now.

"But we used to be best friends," drives home this fact that Will's insecurities about their relationship are tied to Mike's behavior.

And then Mike's ih and 'detouring back into the closet' tendencies are back in full force, and it's causing Will to also cut himself short. Instead of being honest like he always is, he's stopping himself, because Mike is starting to change his tune.

It's why he walked away after the rain fight, and it's why he keeps his mouth shut instead of defending himself. Because this isn't how things used to be between them.

And that's what I find kind of tragic about their slow-burn, and I haven't seen anyone talk about this, which is that I think their experiences overlap.

I think that Mike's ih is starting to impact Will in a negative way. While Will has been learning to accept himself over the seasons, Mike's been learning to hide.

We've seen them go from a relationship early on where Mike was the reason Will accepted himself, to now being the reason he has to give him a veiled love confession, because at this point, Will has little reason to believe Mike could love him back based on his actions and his behavior.

At the end of s3, right before they hug, Will kind of just stands there waiting for Mike to hug him, like he's down to hug Mike, but only if that's what he wants. Will's ih is only starting to kick in at all now because Mike's has went from nonexistent, to value infinity. After a season of initiating all contact, Will is skeptical Mike even wants to hug him. But then Mike is falling into his arms and it's such a pure moment, because now Will is thinking, albeit bittersweetly, that things can go back to normal for them.

But they don't, with s4 essentially starting out as a repeat of s3.

Will is back to this trend of initiating all their physical contact again. First going in for a hug at the airport brightly (only to be shot down). Poking Mike in the chest at Rink-O-Mania when they're arguing. Grazing Mike's arm in the van when he gives him the painting. Reaching out to tap his shoulder during his monologue. Hugging Lucas with him. Elbowing him subtly to ask about how things are with El. These are all subtle moments where Will goes out his way to initiate touch with Mike, things that arguably Mike used to do with Will, but now only does extremely rarely, and most notably at the last second at the end of the season, after holding himself back the first 8 or so episodes.

I think what's so important about the way they approached this, is that in order for Will to truly accept and love himself, Mike has to accept himself too.

Without even realizing it, a long time ago, Mike made Will accept himself. Will was arguably experiencing a lot of ih in the first two seasons, but then suddenly it flipped, and now it's the other way around, with Will just being confused like I thought you cured me of this bro? wtf??

Will literally poured his heart out to Mike with that painting. He told Mike how he felt. He even spent the last year or so being fairly honest about how he viewed their friendship and about how he feels about him. And while Mike always makes the effort to correct things with Will, a lot faster than he does with anyone else, he's still leaving Will in the dark here.

Because while most bylers are fully convinced s4 ended things in a way that proves Mike is ready to be with Will once that opportunity arises, that doesn't mean Will is going to believe him.

Will doesn't end the season thinking Mike loves him, he ends it thinking the exact opposite.

It doesn't matter that Mike is finally reaching out to him again or that he's even standing right beside him at the end, because Will has already been through this with Mike.

He's already gotten hope that they could go back to how they were.

And even though their reconciliation in s4 seemed to resolve things, things still ended in a similar way to s3, only this time in a more grand way, with Mike telling El he loved her 9 times, and the added bonus that he apparently felt like his life started that day they found her in the woods (the same day Will went missing).

And so somethings gotta give. We cant just have a repeat of s3 and s4.

I think it's going to take A LOT for Will to even consider Mike could not only see him truly as a best friend again, but that he also returns his feelings romantically.

Sadly, despite all the beauty that is byler when it comes to them voicing how much they care about each other, Mike's inability to even want a platonic relationship is why they are in this situation in the first place. Because I honestly think Will is capable of a platonic relationship with Mike, whereas I do no think Mike is capable of having a platonic relationship with Will. And his attempts to hide his feelings have caused Will to be insecure about where their friendship lies.

And so it's going to require Will getting an explanation as to why Mike has been acting this way for so long.

Mike's not going to be able to end things with El and then manage to convince Will that its him who he loves.

This is where I think the letter comes in. I think that Will pouring his heart out in that painting, explaining all the ways Mike makes him feel like he's not a mistake, needs to be reciprocated in a similar way from Mike's end.

After the past few years of him making Will question everything he ever thought about their relationship, both Will and Mike deserve the closure that comes with acknowledging what the hell happened between them.

And I think the best way to do that is for Will to understand why Mike did what he did, because Will didn't personally have ih that gave him the urge to seek out, nor stay in unhappy relationships. Like I'm sure Will's fairly convinced that having a girlfriend is strictly straight behavior, as are most (uninformed) people.

If Mike wants to be with Will, he needs to give Will closure about why they went from best friends to strangers. And that is going to require Mike unpacking his ih in a way that Will is going to understand, once Mike finally acknowledges it instead of beating around the bush. Will is going to be able to be the thing that makes Mike accept himself, and vice versa.

And the way I think Mike is going to do that is IN A LETER (especially after convincing himself letters are romantic? boy! you better prove it!)

Once they finally do that, once they both speak to each other in their own personal love language (Will with his art and Mike with his writing), they'll finally understand each other and where they were both coming from.

And that's when they'll realize that they can overcome all these fears they've had growing up, everything that caused them this big mess in the first place, because they'll be able to get through it together.

And it's going to be so heartbreakingly beautiful and real that not even the ga is going to be able to be mad.

[givehimthemedicine]

I think we've had "pretty?" all wrong

You know how it's annoying that Eleven is written to randomly care about her attractiveness to Mike as a kid straight out of the lab? I just found a new way of looking at this where it makes so much more sense and doesn't suck.

All the prettys that ever get talked about:

El touches the picture of Nancy and says "pretty".

Mike tells El she looks "pretty. good. pretty good." and she looks in the mirror and repeats it, evidently reveling in the sensation of being deemed attractive by a boy.

Later, missing the wig that had enabled Mike to consider her attractive, she asks him "still pretty?" and he's like "yeah, really pretty!" and she seems relieved.

El piggybacks Billy's memories, sees his mom on the beach, and reports to the rest of the gang that she's a babe.

Pinned down by flayed Billy intent on feeding her to the meat monster, El's thoughts return to how pretty his mom was, and she tells him so, and this somehow saves the world.

But the one I overlooked, because it really doesn't fit with the others in that she isn't referring to a person, is when El runs away to her mother's house. 12 years too late, she enters the nursery room meant to be hers, reaches into her crib and pulls out a teddy bear and says, in a sad little whisper, "pretty."

This is the one that decodes all the others.

Eleven has a poor grasp of language and has been using this word in her own way. Visual attractiveness is a mere pinch of salt in her recipe for "pretty," where the key flavors are good. comfort. happy. safe. normal. soft. home. loved.

That soft happy teddy bear is something that should have belonged to El and comforted her as a little child beginning a normal life. Immediate previous dialogue for context:

Becky: [ Your mother] always believed that you'd come home one day. El: Home? Becky: Yeah, home. El, picking up the teddy bear: Pretty.

The Nancy "pretty" being the first one establishes that it's El's word, not one she got from Mike.

Nancy's prettiness represents normalcy and happiness to El, the kind she worries will never be hers. There were also family portraits including Mrs. Wheeler (who El could've been drawn to as a friendly mother figure) and toddler Holly (who El could've been drawn to as a reminder of her past self) yet she made a beeline for Nancy. This makes me think El's interest in Nancy relates to her hopes for her own future.

Not long after that is the scene where she seeks out Nancy's bedroom and looks with tragic reverence upon the soft comfortable space and belongings of a normal girl, and what it might look like to be loved. I can't think anything is going through her mind except that this is the future that's been denied to her, and wondering if she can or will ever have something like it.

Billy's mom is conventionally pretty, but El is really describing her vibe as warm, involved, happy, loving. I can hear the delivery of "I think she's looking at me" as a bit wistful, as El would like to have a happy nurturing motherlady to look at her that way. (She does know her own mom at this point, but she's catatonic or whatever so they can never really have an interaction like this)

Billy doesn't not kill everybody because El complimented his mom.

El: She was pretty. She was really pretty. And you were happy. (and then she touches his face and it's presumably the only genuinely compassionate touch he's felt in years and he deactivates)

It's right there in the dialogue that El gets through to him by painting a picture of his happiest memory. But I always thought "pretty" seemed like an annoyingly shallow thing to place so much emphasis on here, until I thought about pretty in this context. Pretty + happy are a single concept to both El and Billy.

Billy, to a lesser extent, also had normal childhood stolen from him. Due to his abuse and abandonment he shares El's longing for a mother, safety, warmth and love, and "pretty" spoke to him in a similar way. Watch his face, he's clearly changed before she even adds the happy part. "Pretty" is Billy's Running Up That Hill - it isn't a magic incantation that makes the monster drop dead, but it does give him a moment of clarity that he can use to fight.

So now let's look at those classics again. Although I've always found it endearing on a "lol, linguistically stunted child misunderstands slang" level, I suddenly see a lot more in it.

"You look pretty good." He's talking about her looks.

"Pretty. Good." She's talking about her worth.

Made-over-El stands in the mirror and thinks, here is a normal-looking girl, she is pretty and good, Mike said so. In the wig and dress, she understands herself to be someone else entirely. Mike, who has only recently named her "El, short for Eleven", reinforces this by re-naming her Eleanor while she's dressed like this, even though the name Elle would not have raised Mr. Clark's eyebrows for any reason.

Later when she's on the lam in the woods, she looks at her reflection in the water with and without the wig, and screams at herself because it hurts that the real her isn't "Pretty. Good."

So when she calls back to this, she still doesn't really care if Mike thinks she's attractive, because she only ever thought he meant her definition of "pretty" in the first place.

She's not asking am I good-looking with no hair? She's asking, me, too? the real me? do I belong with nice loved happy soft? and when he gives an enthusiastic yes, look at the little look she gives herself in the mirror. It's not f yeah, a boy finds me desirable. It's maybe there is hope for me.

And the next thing out of Mike's mouth is "I'm happy you're home."

Season 4 gave us one more sneaky one:

El: I am twice as happy now. You are right. It just takes time. I think I have finally adapted. At first I missed all the spring flowers, but now I find it pretty here too.

At this point, El has the life that that hopeful little girl in the mirror dreamed of: normalcy, a home, a mom, a family, a boyfriend, long hair, her own bedroom full of her own stuff and important little mementos like Nancy's. And the gnawing truth is, it still isn't making her happy. But this was the dream, so she's just trying to fake it til she makes it. Pretty here is not just about Hawkins vs Lenora scenery but the sense of home, wholeness and happiness that she's trying to fool both Mike and herself into believing she feels in her new life.

Here they are in order for your evaluation. thank you for your time

[lilacerull0]

i think what confuses people about mike and rightfully so (and this is actually in the text, it's just painfully underdeveloped :) is that he's both extremely logical and extremely kind-hearted. and since he's so underwritten, it seems like these qualities are in contradiction and one of them shouldn't be there at all, when actually s4!mike would make a lot of sense if he was written with more nuance. because these qualities can crash under specific circumstances, but can also work extremely well having individual character logic in mind. (and for mike, his friends are a big part of that personal world and its mechanics) will has gone missing? mike HAS to keep looking for him until he finds him. dustin says you can't have more than one best friend? mike opposes dustin's logic specifically and claims the opposite not because he believes he's right, but because he knows he is based on evidence, the evidence being the time he's spent with these three people. he always tries to make sense out of things and he's always quick to find the pattern in everything based on what he's seen in the past which is why he's also quick to follow that same pattern and is unwilling to give up on it until the situation is led to a satisfying conclusion. (once that is done, he has to find a new challenge and a new problem to solve right away) waiting around for things to unfold is not an option to him, he has to take action 1) because he wants his friends to be safe 2) because it's rational and 3) the first two reasons are connected, painted one over the other, easily mixed up when and only when mike doesn't count himself into the equation. that's where these qualities crash. when mike is forced to make sense of himself. this is why that funny moment in s2 when he picks up a candlestick while everybody else is holding an actual weapon works not only as comic relief (and maybe i'm looking too much into this), but explains mike in a more profound sense. he eliminates himself, as in the person that he is, from the equation and functions on his default setting which is -> when there's a problem, that problem must be solved no matter the person's individual characteristics unless they can somehow lead to success (in doing that, in denying himself from these qualities he's taking away the puzzle pieces that would help his self-discovery. aren't the little things exactly what makes a life?) that is a common thread with him, especially if he's the person to be reduced to a chess piece which he finds weirdly comfortable. an example of these qualities crashing against each other is in s3, when el is the perfect solution to a problem, yes, but she's also putting herself in danger by solving that problem (note: which mike has seen happen, he's seen how her powers can affect her well-being, it's a rational concern which i feel like is an important observation to add) and mike is not only worried, but in complete distress. when he's explaining himself to max and the others he also sounds like he's explaining his reasoning to himself. he isn't just defensive of his viewpoint, he's also nervous and overwhelmed and overstimulated. that's why that monologue resulted in an emotional outburst. (which is still a love confession, no matter how you categorize mileven as a relationship) i really really wish all of this was taken into account during s4 because there could have been a perfect culmination of all of this with mike starting high school and being forced to reexamine himself and reevaluate the idea of normalcy he wants to fit into. (i love the first little hints of authenticity in mike's hair and wardrobe in s4 :") also that moment in s1 when he stands up for el to lucas? i see it as something mike struggled with understanding in retrospect. he can be quite impulsive, especially when his loved ones are involved, but the difference between s1 and s4 mike is that s4 mike is aware of that impulsivity and feels the need to tone it down because he doesn't understand where it comes from. conclusion: mike wheeler is the head, not the heart of the group.

afterthought: there's an interesting discussion to be had on dustin and mike and how dustin is logical in a way that mike wants to be, but he's also in touch with his emotions in a way that mike isn't. (it's like mike's moments of emotional intelligence are rooted in impulsivity or instinctive reactions and that's why they aren't as present after s2 for the reasons i listed above)

[zombie-boys]

okay. apparently there are fans being mad at will for supposedly "being a jerk" in st3? let me try to break this down.

so apparently some people see the situation as mike trying his best to split his time between el and the rest of the party, and that, even after his breakup, he's willing to humor will and participate in his campaign despite being upset; the argument is that will is being a jerk for being upset at mike, because mike is trying his best to be there for him. to these people, will is ignoring mike's selflessness.

i think more context is needed to really flesh out what's going on...

yes, we do get several scenes of mike interacting with el, and several of him interacting with the party; it's made clear that he isn't devoting all of his time to el, and it's only fair to recognize that. he loves her and had missed her greatly in st2, but he spends time with his friends as well.

however, he isn't there when it really counts.

after dustin comes home from a month away at camp, he's incredibly excited to show his friends cerebro, and additionally introduce them to his girlfriend, suzie. the whole party comes with to set it up, but soon mike seemingly lies about a curfew as an excuse to spend time with el.

dustin had been separated from the party for a considerable amount of time, and when he needs it the most, mike isn't there to show him that their friendship lasted through his absence. dustin has always been insecure about his position amongst his friends, as he was the last to join the og party, so mike's inability to give him the time of day is all the more scathing.

in one of the scenes in which mike is giving his undivided attention to the party, while at the movie, mike shows his concern when will touches the back of his neck, sensing something and looking horrified. will experiences this same feeling again when going to set up cerebro, but notably right after mike leaves; mike isn't there to comfort him anymore.

it's also important to note how will is the only party member to sympathize with dustin and truly welcome him home; both have been alienated from the party.

in st1, mike assures dustin that he cares for his friends equally: lucas, will, and dustin are all his best friends. dustin had been arguing the logic of having more than one best friend, but upon hearing that he was as much a party member as lucas and will, whom mike has known for almost all his life, he concedes, and looks satisfied. his insecurities have been soothed and he doesn't feel alone.

in st2, will feels isolated because of his trauma - everyone has been treating him differently, and he feels like, well, a freak. mike connects to him, and tells him that he's not alone in his feelings - he also feels like he's going crazy. will is comforted by this, as there's someone who understands; he doesn't have to be alone. and he isn't, as mike spends the majority of the season making sure he's okay - quite like how he did in the movie theater in st3.

now, let's think about the st3 ep3 d&d campaign: will has been in need of comfort for the entire season, which is understandable not only because of the trauma he has experienced in the past two seasons, but also because he feels distant from his friends. there are many reasons why will is so attached to the game of d&d, and one of which is how it represents the friendship of the party; it represents comfort and normalcy for him, and so he seeks it out.

as seen in the previous examples, mike sympathizes with his friends' pain and is able to understand when and in what way they're upset; you'd expect him to understand why will wants to play d&d so badly - will himself would expect him to understand, as mike is among the few people in his life who has been able to truly understand him at all.

mike does concede to participating in his campaign, but he clearly doesn't want to, and doesn't take it seriously. he's instantly distracted by the phone ringing, something which never would've happened in st2. even if el showed up in the doorway, mike wouldn't abandon will if he needed comforting.

when mike shows that he doesn't care about the campaign, will is obviously heartbroken. mike doesn't understand him anymore.

while it isn't entirely correct, saying that 'mike is ruining the party' is a completely understandable sentiment from will's perspective: mike has stopped caring about the party's friendship, and has stopped caring about him. mike is the one not noticing something, not will - he is somehow completely blind to the isolation will feels in this rapidly changing landscape.

for all of his life, will has been ostracized for not being stereotypically masculine - because of the way he dresses, his interests, and his personality. he has been bullied at school for it and demeaned by his own father for it - for supposedly being queer. mike has beared witness to this, as we have seen in st1, and fought back passionately. that struggle is one mike understands, sympathizes with, and connects to.

a large portion of the alienation will experiences in st3 stems from not having a girlfriend and not wanting a girlfriend - his friends are less inclined to hang out now that they're dating girls, but aside from that, will is left to stand alone in his queerness because he's not doing the same.

but when he needs it the most, mike isn't there to comfort him. why, he does the exact opposite.

"it's not my fault you don't like girls!"

...responding to will calling el 'stupid', which i recognize is mean, but in no way merits that horribly low blow.

and finally, when mike practically tells him to grow up, will has had enough. he disappears into the storm and escapes to his hiding place...

i don't think mike is a jerk; he clearly has a moral code, but that moral code seems heavily reliant on his emotions at any given moment. y'know, he's a kid: emotional, immature, indecisive, in love. he's been through a lot, but is also just a teenager, and there are social pitfalls he is bound to fall into.

however, it is important to recognize that mike's treatment of dustin and will in st3 is pretty bad, and for the latter, even a breakup won't excuse it. for one thing, at the time, he didn't understand why el broke up with him - even if it wasn't his fault that he lied, he should've at least recognized that it would hurt her feelings.

i get that mike is upset, i understand that he might not be too into d&d at the moment, but if not, he should be honest and suggest a different time to play instead; at the very least he shouldn't target will with the one thing he's been bullied for his entire life. being upset does not excuse that. at all.

i really just want this argument to die down. i see where it comes from, and you are perfectly allowed to dislike will and call him out for the bad things he has done, but framing him as a bad person for seeking comfort from his best friend leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

(as a note: i don't ship byler, nor do i ship mileven - i'm just here to recognize will and mike's interaction in st3. thank you kindly for your time.)

[growup-thatbeautiful]

drive is out now!! It’s a Post Season Harringrove Hurt/Comfort and I’m pretty proud of it. Read it on ao3 here or below the cut. Likes and comments are very very much appreciated :))

Billy doesn’t drive after starcourt. Something about being behind the wheel makes him sick with memories that he can’t understand. They’re abstract and totally unreliable.

But it’s kind of always been like that for him. He's used to having gaps in his memories, except most of the time it’s because of trauma. Or that’s what Joyce tells him and the rest of them whenever they have nightmares about things they don’t remember happening.

He's been living with the Byers and El. He tries to be useful around the house, doing whatever he can because he really doesn’t have anywhere else to go. It’s hard, though. It seems like everything he does, he does wrong. He never had to learn how to fold sheets or clean dishes. Not only was neil hargrove terribly homophobic, but also misogynistic, which is a word joyce taught him because she teaches all her kids that stuff. And he’s one of her kids now. So, yeah. Neil never had Billy do the chores because “he’s not a true man, but he sure as shit isn’t a woman.”

It's alarming how quickly this odd family replaces his old one. Neil seems miles away. Neil doesn’t try to look for Billy, and that’s fine as far as Billy's concerned. He's got scars to cover up the ones Neil made. no need to dwell on that when he has so much other trauma to process., right? Kind of.

He does check up on max. Asks her if neils pulling any of the shit he used to get from his dad. double checks for bruises hidden under makeup or long sleeves, and never finds any. Good.

Joyce is good. great, even. She doesn’t blame him when he breaks a dish because he heard a noise. She listens when he says he needs some alone time, and she knows when he’s just saying that. She gives good hugs and has no problem giving him Jonathan's old room to stay in while he’s off at college. leaving Hawkins behind him, calling every night anxiously awaiting the return of It. Nothing happens, and eventually they relax. Or they try to. That part of billy’s been broken for a long time, though.

So Joyce starts fading into memories of his mom, and he tries not to blame her.

Again. He's never had a great memory anyway. He does remember his mom telling him that boys don’t marry other boys when he was five and told her he wanted to marry his best friend. Then she told him never to tell his dad. It's strange, because he can’t remember her saying that she loved him, even though he’s sure she did. Did she? Huh.

At least the painful memories he gets to keep. Neil beating’s. Beating up on Harrington that night he didn’t know what was going on. The car crash before his mind was taken from him. Max’s terrible scream of “Billy” mixed in with the ear-ringing pain. Waking up in a hospital with starburst scars across his body. Skin that isn’t his. They remind him not to get to comfortable, remind him that the kindness he’s being shown isn’t well earned.

Because Billy knows he wasn’t worth those hospital bills and sleepless nights. All he’s done to the people here is hurt and scar and he’s seen them with the deepest kind of fear in their eyes. Fear because of him.

Everytime he goes down a path like this, he tries to stay clear of everyone. Because. They all tried to hide how much hurt he’s caused. They don’t blame him like they should.

He didn’t know any of them well before. But he knows El didn’t always carry around that police badge or look up at every siren, praying for a familiar face only to be disappointed and try not to show it. Because if Billy survived, couldn’t the more-deserving Hopper? Apparently not.

He knows Joyce didn’t always search for Will in every setting and have those folded up pictures of the two men that died because of all the shitty things that happened. Because she can’t stand to forget their faces or not carry that burden for just a second.

Will didn’t always get quiet every time a draft went through the room or refuse to go out that front door first. Because so many things have been ruined for him.

The rest of the kids didn’t always jump at every noise or bunch together for every corner, carrying lucky momentous and items. Because God forbid they have a break.

He doesn’t see them a lot, but Nancy and Jonathan definitely didn’t carry around an emergency kit everywhere they went, packed with medical supplies and Nancy’s choice gun. Because they’re going to be there to help if anything tries to take another person they loves away.

Some part of Billy reasons that it’s not all his fault. He wasn’t one of those scientists or government agents that started the whole thing.

But he did enough. Enough to warrant all the shit that he’s going through. It’s not the healthiest way of thinking, he’s aware of that, but it helps him get by.

No matter how hard he tries, though, there’s always someone at the house that finds him. Curled up into a ball, dry hitching sobs and no tears because “Hargrove men don’t cry.” Billy gets damn close sometimes, but the fear that Neil’s going to come out from the cracks in the wall and kick him where he lays is too real.

There are usually soft words.

“We don’t blame your here, honey. That wasn’t you, that did all that stuff. And I’m not going to let anything else bad happen to the people under this roof.” Joyce’s strong and sure voice, only breaking at the edges.

“I know what it’s like to have him control you like that. I know better than anyone else, and I know how scary it is. Mom says it’s over now, though, and I can’t feel It anymore. I would tell you first if It came back.” Will never says anything more than that, which is comforting in itself. It’s nice to have someone else.

“They lost. You’re here. I’m here. Will’s here. It is safe.” El’s statement is simple, but she makes it easy to believe.

He believes them until he gets another new memory of what he did. The Mayors blood on the floor. Heather’s petrified screams. Standing before that thing and feeling nothing but a perverse sense of but awe and, buried beneath that, a screaming sense of horror and the constant feeling of slipping in the sand.

There are times, like right now, when he doesn’t want someone to make him feel better. He wants someone who can drive him away from here and sit in an empty parking lot and smoke away the thoughts. Someone like Steve.

He would do it himself. He would. But he can’t. Can’t get over that fucking gas pedal. So he calls Steve.

They’ve done this enough times for it to make sense for Billy to have Steve’s number memorized. And his work schedule. And to know when he with Dustin or Robin or any of the others on one of those group outings Billy can’t bring himself to go to. There are too many sad faces, too many broken homes.

It doesn’t matter what he wears. It’s just Steve, and they’ve gotten past the point of caring about things like that.

Which. Is obvious to anyone who looks at Billy, not that he sees anyone. He’s lost a lot of weight. Muscles that used to be defined are gone, replaced by scars. He can’t get them back yet, because he’s not strong enough to lift any of them. And because muscles like that can hurt and hit. His eyes are surrounded by heavy bags, bloodshot and tired. The new callouses on his hands are mostly scars from anxiety ridden breakages, and the pained nails are because El wanted to try the new dark blue out. His hair is greasy and flat, nowhere near what it used to be. It hangs around his shoulders in curled waves, so far from where he used to be.

He doesn’t even try to smile to the sad reflection in the mirror.

Steve doesn’t honk when he arrives. The first time he did that and the noise sent Billy spiraling, and Steve had felt terrible, cussing up a storm that actually helped Billy out of it. Luckily, it was just Billy home and no one else was there to witness they’re collective train wreck.

Before he leaves, Billy grabs something from the bathroom and stuffs it in with the rest of the random shit he brings.

Billy slides into the passenger seat, leans his head back against the headrest, and says, “So, Harrington, how you been?”

Steve, mercifully, looks the same as always. He looks good, the asshole. It’s a relief that he’s still able to feel that fire Steve lights up. Different than all the other King’s from California. A few more scars, but they all have that. His shades are pushed through his hair, brown strands flopping over lazily.

“Same as usual, so fairly shitty and on the brink of breakdown. You?” It would be a normal conversation if Steve wasn’t completely serious, corners of his mouth only ticking up when Billy reaches over and bats at the band-aid charm hanging from the mirror. A joke from Billy to say sorry for, you know, almost beating him to death for no real reason.

“Oh, you know.” He doesn’t need to say more for Steve to get the idea. It’s the same way they’ve been feeling for months now.

“Yeah.” The car ride over isn’t far from the Byers’ house, and they spend it in almost silence. Some pop station is playing low on the radio.

“This the shit you listen to, pretty boy? I expected more than this.” It’s an attempt at normalcy, something that they’ve slowly been working up to.

“At least I don’t blast out my eardrums every time I want to listen to music,” replies Steve quickly, smile evident in his tone.

And it’s normal. It’s them. The way they were before it all got so messy. For that brief moment, there’s no winter night or july 4th. For a brief moment Billy can entertain a reality where he went to the find Steve instead of a fight. A world where Steve, with those pretty eyes and snap remarks, could hold his hand and stop him from doing all the bad things in the future.

But the moment passes. Steve clears his throat and looks forward at the road.

They arrive to the quarry, water at the bottom glinting, tossing, teasing. The car doors slam shut, and they slide up on to the front of the car. Billy pulls his last minute grab out of the bag and hands it to Steve.

“I want you to cut my hair.” Steve takes the scissors and towel in his hand, looking at Billy.

He doesn’t ask if Billy’s sure. Billy figures that Steve knows at this point he wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t real. If Billy wasn’t sure. Steve cards a hand through Billy’s hair. It feels. Good. Real good.

Steve starts cutting, and Billy winces at the sound of the scissors closing around his hair. His past.

“I like to think it isn’t just part of me.” The comment comes out of nowhere, surprising Billy more than it surprises Steve.

“What?” Steve’s voice is calm, the sniping of the scissors is methodical.

“The anger. The aggression. The tendency to hurt. I like to think it’s not in my nature, but my nurture.”

“I don’t think you’re violent.” It’s a laughable statement.

“You’re joking. Did you forget most of last year? I’m the one with the bad memory here, Harrington.” Billy can practically hear Steve’s disapproving mother’s frown behind him.

“That wasn’t you.”

“Right, sure, whatever, bullshit. But what about…you know. Last winter.”

“What happened before that?” asks Steve patiently.

“Jesus, you’re worse than Joyce. My dad sent me after Max. Found her at Byers’ place with you. Hurt you a whole fucking lot.”

“Is that all he did? He just told you to go after her?” Billy ignores the way his stomach does flips when Steve runs a hand through Billy’s hair, straightening it out.

“So you’re my fuckin’ therapist now? What do you want me to say? He kissed my head and sent my on my merry way? That’s now how he works. I’ll admit, I was saved by his new wifey. He can’t use me as a punching bag when she’s standing right there, not like he did with mom. Nothing I couldn’t handle. Nothing worse than what you’ve done to me. And the insults weren’t too bad either. He forgot to call me a fag.”

“Oh. Shit, Billy, I-“

“It’s fine,” cuts in Billy, hating the pity in Steve’s voice. He’s not the one who should have it.

“You didn’t deserve that.” This time it does make Billy laugh. It’s a hollow and haunting sound, an echo of his charming boyish laugh.

“Sure I did, dipshit. You’re probably one of the people who knows best why I did, in fact, deserve it.”

“So then I’m the best person. to tell you that you aren’t that person. You haven’t been that person since you left him and all of that shit. Let me ask you something. Do you want to hurt people now?”

“No!” Billy startles himself with his sudden enthusiasm, and Steve jumps a little behind him. Steve is quicker to recover, though, and he runs a hand through the hair he hasn’t cut yet. It’s soothing. Billy barely resists the urge to lean into it. Ask for more.

“Did you ever want to hurt people? Like really, truly want to see them hurt?” Billy has to think about the question. Steve deserves an real answer.

Flashes fly through his mind, bringing on too familiar emotions. Anger, a need to make someone, anyone, feel the way that he’s feeling. Fear that not having this power over people would make him weak. Horror at what he’s about to do. Detachment, painful as he grinned and laughed.

“I just wanted to have control. Take some of the hurt I was feeling and give it to other people. It was a rush that I was addicted to. The thrill of the fight, the feel of flesh against my fist, the look of blood on my knuckles. I liked fighting, still do. I didn’t like hurting people.” Steve puts the scissors down on the car hood, fluffing Billy’s hair and sliding down next to him.

“I’ve been on the wrong side of the fists of two people I’m now okay with,” admits Steve. “Believe me, I know now to take a beating. I’ve been heartbroken by two other people I’m close friends with. I forgive too easily.”

“So you’re a compulsive truster and I’m a compulsive fighter. What a pair we make, huh Harrington?”

“Yeah.” agrees Steve, bumping his shoulder against Billy. “What a pair.”

Maybe it’s the haircut. Maybe it’s the sunlight confessions. Maybe it’s how carefree and happy Steve looks. But Billy feels lighter. Like there was this unspoken weight he had been carrying around that no one knew about. Or everyone knew about, but couldn’t help.

The thing is, Steve didn’t even say anything. He didn’t promise a better future, he didn’t say that he was safe. He shared some of the personal pain they all carry around.

“I don’t think I ever said sorry. I am sorry, you know. I. I didn’t-“

<i>Mean to hurt you. Want to hurt you. Mean to let you see how much I hurt. Want to need you.</i>

“I know. I’m sorry too. Someone should’ve known. About you.” Steve leans closer, and Billy chalks it up to the night chill as the sun settles below the glistening rocks.

“I was good at hiding things I didn’t want people to see.”

“Yeah, well you’re not alone there either.”

“You good at hiding, pretty boy?” Billy’s eyes flick down to Steve’s lips, and, is Billy imagining it or is Steve looking at him the same way?

“Apparently not good enough,” jokes Steve. His smile falls off of his lips, and he leans minutely closer. If Billy wasn’t paying attention to all of Steve…

The way his hair glows white and gold in the sunset. That wrinkle between his brows. The way one of his eyes is a little darker than the other. How he smells like cigarette smoke and that fancy hairspray, even when his hair is blown from the wind.

The way he looked that night. Cool and collected, then terrified and fighting for his life. So beautiful in the harsh starlight and then so abstract in the broken kitchen light.

Before he knows what’s happening, Steve is filling that gap. Kissing Billy like he’s trying to sooth the pain from their past. Maybe he is. Billy wouldn’t put it past him.

His hand finds a way to Steve’s hair, the same way Steve’s been running his through Billy’s now shorter hair. He curls it into the strands, holding on tightly. Soft.

The way Steve sighs his name takes Billy away from it all. The pain. The memories. The lack of memories.

They lay out under the stars for a few minutes, but Billy knows Joyce will freak out if she can’t find him. Not because she doesn’t trust him, he has to remind himself, but because she doesn’t trust others.

On the drive home Steve plays that pop stuff again, and Billy gives him the appropriate shit for it, a smile on his face the whole time. His fingers laced through Steve’s.

They arrive at the house, and Steve declines to come in. Gives the excuse that his parents will be waiting up when they both know it’s not true. Billy can’t blame him. Billy understands needing to be alone, needing to get away.

Billy leans through Steve’s window and wished that he could kiss him goodbye. Well. The teasing will have to do.

“Night, King Steve.”

“Goodnight, Asshole.”

If Joyce gives him a knowing smile at the door, Billy doesn’t smile back. Probably.

He definitely does. Maybe he deserves the smile. If Steve thinks he does.

[orionares]

BTHB: Comatose- Part 2

A/N: Don’t have a title yet. Here’s part 2. =] -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She dreams of possibilities. 

These possibilities had been buried in the back of her mind a decade ago into the category of ‘broken dreams’ when her partner had disappeared. The particular possibility crossing her mind is a new one, spurred by the day she had jogged away from him with her son in tow on a snowy afternoon.

Noah’s fifteen, tall and lanky with his reddish brown curls, standing with a group of teenagers in matching shirts, black pants and tap shoes. He grins ear to ear with his troop as parents in the audience cheer for an encore.  

In this possibility, she’s standing in the second row, clapping and letting tears of pride run down her cheek. Her not-so-little boy has fought like hell for this moment. An arm wraps around her waist and pulls her close to the only person outside her son who has a piece of her heart. 

"You did good."

She laughs at the compliment  from her once again partner and rests her hand against his cheek. "We did good!”

Her once again partner’s blue eyes sparkle with admiration and love that she’d gone ten years without seeing. In this possibility, they move fluidly as they had before as partners but with a new level of intimacy. 

“This isn’t real,” she whispers, barely audible over the cheering and his attention turned towards her son. She knows she shouldn’t lose herself in this possibility. 

But this possibility is free of saving the world from predators, abandonment issues, lingering fears of the pandemic and pain. And she’s emotionally exhausted. 

So maybe she can stay a while. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elliot’s woken by a kick to his chair leg. 

Expecting Bell and a well needed cup of coffee, Elliot opens his eyes to a blonde haired, blue eyed woman looking extremely unimpressed at the sight of him. The woman had been in Olivia's office, leaving her likely to be one of her detectives. 

"Get up," the blonde commands with a southern drawl. Rollins or Rowan, he guesses as her last name from a foggy memory, turns away from his makeshift cot and gives a lingering sad look towards the unconscious Olivia. She huffs out a breath and returns her attention back to Elliot, saying, “Let’s go for a walk.” 

"Do I get a choice-" Elliot stops mid question at the I freaking dare you glare very similar to Olivia’s. Ignoring the sudden urge to smile in reminiscence, he coughs and swings his legs off the chair serving as the foot of his 'bed' and tweaks his question," What can I do for you, Detective…"

"Rollins, Amanda Rollins," she finishes. "First off, I don’t like you, Stabler. I don’t like how you up and disappeared without a word for a decade,” Amanda continues as she ignores Elliot’s pained expression. She notices Elliot's flinch at the mention of his disappearance. "Come on. I don't have a lot of time."

Elliot takes a beat to read Amanda- she holds onto a coffee tightly as its a lifeline, wears a grey sweater and black slacks with a small stain likely to be from a marker near her knee.

"Are you a parent?" Elliot probes. Standing elicits a yawn and a useless stretch to fight his tight, aching muscles. 

Amanda's expression lightens briefly for the briefest moment. "Two girls. Captain's the godmother for both my girls. Let's head to the garden and chat. Come on.”

------------------------------------------------------

Manhattan is grey and unusually cool for a summer day in July. The hospital's garden has only a handful of visitors that scatter throughout the stone garden. Elliot instinctively scans every face he sees for any ties to Wheatley, even with Richard Wheatley sitting in a jail cell. Amanda leads the way to black steel bench and sits, giving him ample space to sit. 

"So why’d you leave her?" Amanda asks as Elliot lowers himself onto the bench. She avoids his anxious look by eyeing the lukewarm coffee in her hands. 

"It's complicated-"

Amanda scoffs before taking a sip of her coffee. She fidgets in her seat briefly before leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees. "That's bullshit."

Elliot runs a hand over the back of his neck and sighs. He replays bits and pieces of his conversation with Noah in his head whispers he fishes for the most diplomatic answer to say. Amanda narrows her eyes at the silence before snapping, "You broke her trust, you know that? My old partner, Nick Amaro, had to double our efforts to gain Olivia’s trust because of you!" 

"I know, " he answers weakly. The weeks after landing in Rome are a blur, thanks to alcohol and sleepless nights. "I can't imagine. "

"No, you can't."

The silence that follows is thick between them. The blonde haired detective stares straight ahead with a small white dove statue surrounded by colorful peonies. She takes a long sip of her coffee and mutters, “She’s been through a lot in the last ten years- things that…”

Elliot flinches. Among the suspicious glances of the infamous rogue detective, he’s heard whispers and vague references of “with all she’s been through” whenever he’s been within arm’s reach of Olivia. 

“Did something-” the question that’s been buried between his grief for Kathy and hatred for Richard Wheatley spills out, “-did- what happened?”

Amanda finally turns her head to meet Elliot’s eyes. He can read hesitancy in her eyes to trust the man that abandoned Olivia. He also reads a desire to either punch him in the face or shoot him that he’s seen from Fin, the young dark haired officer he met briefly in Olivia’s office, the ADA and oddly, Chief Garland. 

“It isn’t my story to tell,” Amanda replies carefully. “There’s actually multiple stories but the big one is something you need to hear from her. Look, Stabler- I’ve only heard bits and pieces about you and Liv and I want to say that I trust her judgement.” 

Elliot pushes past his mind already fervently making a plan to scour his ex-partner’s file once he’s back upstairs. A lone raindrops hits his cheek, warning a need to go inside and an end of their conversation. “I’m not going anywhere. I-I’m not- I can’t lose her again.”

Amanda rises to her feet and tosses her empty coffee cup into the black garbage bin next to the bench. With a quick glance to her cellphone screen, she sighs, “Stabler, don’t screw this up, ok?”

He unconsciously fidgets with his wedding ring and only nods in response.  There's a never ending list of screw up he carries in the back of his mind where Olivia and Kathy sit. 

Two women, lives affected by his indecision. 

"Stabler?"

Elliot glances up to Amanda who hasn't moved from where she stands. She sighs before stating ,"William Lewis. He's the big one."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You got a good group of detectives," are the first words Elliot stammers fifteen minutes later once he's back alone with Olivia. "I met Amanda Rollins and she's tough. I like her."

He can imagine her nodding in acknowledgement at the comment with pride. Instead, the heart monitor continues to beep steadily. "She mentioned that things happened while I was gone, "he pauses as his guilt once more bubbles up," Bad Things."

Elliot lowers his head into his hand. "Liv, if I'm being honest, there's a selfish part of me that doesn't want to know. I want to live in a world where- I'm terrified of what I'll find."

Although he had never told her, the near rape at Seaview Corrections Facility had forever seared a permanent place in his mind. He's eternally great full for Fin's save but the could have's sitting in his mind,  flaring up with every glance or comment by a suspect-

"I don't…." Elliot pulls his cellphone out of his jacket pocket and notices how much heavier the object feels. "William Lewis- did he try to kill you? Did he ra-"

He cant even finish the sentence before he chokes back a sob. "If he...I shouldn't have left!"

The image of her shifting in her seat, her brown eyes shifting from item to item in her surrounding in a tact to prepare herself comes to mind. Elliot reaches out to brush his hand against her right hand resting on her stomach in an unconscious attempt to comfort her.  

And if he's honest- himself.

With two quick inhales, Elliot opens the NYPD database on his cellphone and maneuvers to case search. He sneaks another glass to her before typing William Lewis in the search bar. When a dark haired, empty-eyed man appears, Elliot flinches. 

September 25, 2013

January 8, 2014

April 30th, 2014

"Christ," Elliot mutters. 

Three different dates. 

Three separate incidents.

 Less than one year. 

The detective readies himself to open the file before his guilt, now running rampant in his mind, flashes a memory of what he had been doing in September 2013. 

Camogli. 

He had finally slipped into some form of normalcy with his family and had gone to the quaint fishing town on the coast of Italy. 

Elliot takes one more glance at his unconscious partner- ex-partner - and opens the file on William Lewis. 

And cries.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

She now dreams of Elliot in a jail cell. 

He's sitting on a silver bench, leaning forward with an elbow on a bouncing knee. She can see his knuckles to be bloodied and torn and follows the trail of dried blood running up his arms to the bloodied dress blue shirt.

"El," she calls out. Her eyes droop even as she stands on four days of food and sleep deprivation. "You didn't-" the words spill out, "You didn't have to kill him."

There's an emptiness in his eyes that shares space with the lack of regret. "I had to. Lewis hurt you."

Wait- realization comes in dread. Elliot's never been arrested, she's never found him bloodied and bruised in this state and overall, when it comes to William, Lewis- he wasn't there. 

She staggers back into the wall.

This isn't right- he wasn't this isn't a memory or a blissful possibility now that he's home. 

No, this is 2013 and he's killed William Lewis.

No. This isn't right at all.

[willthecleric]

i really wanna have hope that byler will happen, and i agree with all of the subtext you've pointed out, i just have a really bad feeling that they're not gonna pull through :( i haven't watched the movies on the s4 list, so maybe that's why i feel less certain, but i'm just generally unsure that it will actually happen, despite really wanting it to? how can you be so sure that it will? love ur blog by the way! :D

Aww, thank you so much! Well, I used to have doubts too, so I get what you mean. But remember a few different things:

1. Mike is clearly written as gay, seeing as he is very much comp het in S3 (bisexual boys can imagine themselves in love with females, it isn’t some foreign concept and ‘something old people do’). Many straight guys found Mike’s behaviour with El strange. For a reason: he was trying to be straight and took it too far. He was especially mimicking Lucas. Seeing Mike as gay also recontextualizes a lot of his behaviour in S1 and S2. I just don’t understand why they would make Mike gay and give him so much coding for it if they were planning to have him with a girl. Makes more sense to have him bisexual or straight then. I’m not exagerrating when I say that Mike’s main story arc is about him realizing he is gay and coming to terms with that and accepting his love for Will.

2. When originally writing the S1 script, El was supposed to die. They changed it, my guess, because she helped them with a few plot points (mainly as a beard for Mike). I’m not sure why they’d have wanted her dead initially if Mileven was planned as endgame. That on top of Mike being gay is another strike against Mileven.

3. El is way behind Mike intellectually. Mike is very smart, and El doesn’t even know what a State is. It just doesn’t work and Mike is way older than her intellectually. It is creepy and will just get worse and worse. Not sure why they would do that if Mileven was meant to be endgame.

4. The Duffers parallelled Mileven with ET and Elliott multiple times in S1, and told Finn that Mike saw El as an alien or a puppy. Not at all romantic. Mileven was paralleled to Dustin and Dart in S2. In S3 it was mentioned that Mike saw El as a pet. Mike doesn’t trust El. He couldn’t answer when she told him to trust her, and changed the subject when Max said he doesn’t trust her. Mike was also justifiably upset about El spying on him (which El never felt bad about). Mike lies to El and El stalks/spies on him. Most of S2 Mileven was El stalking and spying on Mike and they used ominous music (so clearly it is not meant to be romantic). Mike had no idea she was watching him, and we saw in S3 how he would have felt if he found out about her doing that. They danced to a song about a stalking ex. Multiple movies hint that El stalks Mike in S4 (which is supported by her in S2 and S3). Those S2 Mileven scenes weren’t meant to be romantic, they are meant to be creepy. Not that I blame El. She is confused and doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know any better. The Duffers hate Mileven. They have dissed it many times (which kaypeace has shown examples of).

5. Mike and El do not share interests or even seem to like each other. El thinks Mike’s interests are dumb and that he talks too much. They don’t trust each other, and trust is essential to love. Period. Neither even sees the other as a person. She has been a tool/weapon to him. And an alien/puppy. It’s a part of his using her as a beard. He doesn’t feel bad about it because he doesn’t see her as a person. He did feel some guilt over her death, but most of him wanting her back in S2 was wanting her to fix him. His attitude problem and issues with Max in S2 were about his growing feelings for Will, NOT about El. Mike was angry at Hopper at the end of S2 because he blamed Hopper for keeping his beard away from him. He thougnt if El was there, he would not have these feelings for Will. Mike blamed Hopper for everything. Why he was so angry with him in S3. And El doesn’t see Mike as a person either. To her, he is a sense of comfort and normalcy, like her teddy bears and Hopper’s shirt. She also projected a soap opera character she liked onto him. El only found Mike attractive when she thought he was a bad boy. She didn’t know if she liked kissing him after months of making out. She referred to him as her first boyfriend, implying she was thinking of dating others in the future. There is a reason why she came to Mike three months after the main events of the season. Comfort. She lost her dad and was moving away from her new home. She was seeking normalcy. Mike is that to her.

6. They made the ending with Mileven ambiguous as far as if they are dating or not. Which idk why they would do that if Mileven was the main ship. Why make it ambiguous? I think it was intentionally done that way. El was acting romantic while Mike was more platonic in nature. I think that is to hint towards them not being on the same page. As I mentioned, numerous movies and show canon hints to El stalking Mike and spying on him. Multiple movies have Mike frustrated and not interested. And we already saw how he felt about El spying on him. I think El believes they are dating and doesn’t get it when Mike and others tell her that they are not. She doesn’t understand.

7. They made numerous Mileven and Byler parallels in S3, of S2 Byler moments redone for Mileven, and things happening between both ships in the same season. Byler always won by a landslide. They completely destroyed Mileven instead of building it up, which makes no sense if it’s endgame. Mileven had poor development from the start, and if they wanted to pull it off, makes more sense to work hard to build them up instead. Also driving away the fandom so it’s not popular anymore... why do that? It makes no sense. Queer baits don’t do that. Seems more like a straight bait to me.

8. In S1, homophobic Troy was: shoved by Mike (who is gay), forced to piss his pants in front of the school who laughed at him, had his arm broken, and was made to look like a fool. This shows what they think about homophobes. They also have posted LGBT+ positivity on Twitter. They are not homophobic and do not support homophobia. They are not going to work to please a bunch of homophobic Milevens.

9. According to multiple movies and show hints, Byler is essential and key to fixing everything. The Never Ending Story was repeatedly in S3 for a reason. It’s a hint. Not just at Will being the chosen one instead of El, but also... ‘and there upon a rainbow is the answer to a never ending story’. It’s outright telling us that Byler is the answer. Not only because rainbows are a gay symbol in itself, but Mike is also connected to rainbows as a part of his coding.

10. Multiple movies hint that Stranger Things is a book written by Mike for Will, sharing his story and their love story. Mike is the character who wants to be a writer, and the episodes are called CHAPTERS. That supports Stranger Things being a book. And the book is always written by the Mike character for the Will character. They let it be known that Mike wants to be a writer. It was mentioned as his career goal in his yearbook page, and he writes most of the D&D campaigns (besides the one that Will wrote).

11. Byler is the biggest and main relationship of the show. It’s the relationship that gets the most development, the one that gets the most romantic scenes, the one that gets the most coding by far. And every single pairing (minus Jopper and Ted/Karen as far as I can tell) parallels Byler while it is healthy and happy. The moment that stops being the case, they start paralleling Mileven. Not a good sign for Mileven. And Mileven only parallels Byler a lot because Mike has been using El as a substitute for Will (something that is mentioned by the Mike character in a number of movies, using the El character of the movie as a substitute to the Will character).

Hopefully this helped you (and anyone else) feel better about things. 😃

[iminyourhandskara]

"Maybe being Supergirl and having you is enough."

It took me some time to appreciate this line, I'm not gonna lie. When the episode first aired, I thought it was a very odd choice of words, after all Kara had repeatedly expressed how much she loved and cared for her job as a reporter, yet it seemed like a "I'm gonna be okay because I have an incredible boyfriend and my job as a superhero." and partially that was what it was, maybe.

But watching this now, after all the events that have unfolded since that, the traumatic experience of losing herself after losing him, it makes so much more sense.

She built her life as Kara Danvers, she went to school, to college, got a job, because she needed normalcy. And here, she lost it, fighting for what she believed in, and is unsure of what to do next.

"You have so much to offer this world, so don't let Snapper or anyone else tell you differently."

Mon-El reassures her that even without her job, she can still find a way to make the world a better place, she can still fight for truth, with or without CatCo.

And that's when Kara finally feels relieved, why? Because first of all, he's absolutely right, second, because she realizes she doesn't need her job to make her feel normal, human, as long as she has Mon-El. With him she doesn't have to switch identities, she's just Kara.

Now, she also mentioned "Being Supergirl" which brings me to s3, specifically episode 2, where she says: "Who I am as Kara feels broken. I lost Mon-El.[...] I'm trying to be myself again, but everything that used to make me feel good, like... Like a relief is.. It's disappeared."

Mon-El gave her "the comfort" of a human life, and losing it all of a sudden, made her rely solely her Supergirl persona and try to hide her true feelings, be colder, more "alien".

[addictofsupernatural]

Emotions (pt. 12)

Billy Hargrove x reader

Summary: Billy does his best to win you back, but a certain person keeps getting in the way.

Word Count: 2485

Chapter 1 • Chp. Masterlist

Billy was not giving up. He was set on winning you back, and started by waiting at your house to take you to school. At first you tried to ignore him and just walk, but he kept driving next to you and you felt too guilty. You'd end up getting inside and seeing his relieving smile. Hopper did always say that your conscious would screw you over some day.

During biology he was constantly trying to make you laugh. His charming jokes and quick wit would eventually get to you, and you would end up cracking a smile. You couldn't help it; you just thought it was funny how much of a child he could be, even with his beautiful grin.

During lunch you went with Steve Harrington. It pissed him off, but he needed to learn that you're entitled to hang out with anyone you want. He just didn't understand why it had to be him. When Billy passed by you in the halls or anywhere at lunch, he would always smile and wink at you. He'd see you blush, which was all he needed.

Billy had learned to have patience. He needed to be patient with you when you felt insecure about yourself, or when you didn't understand something simple. Looking back at it now, he could see why you had trouble adjusting to normalcy. He would now need to be his most patient self, because right now you were doing something you thought would be best for Billy, and he saw that you were trying your hardest to be better for him by trying to have him move on. He just needed enough patience for you to realize that he wasn't going to move on from the love of his life.

When Steve caught on that Billy's dumb ass face was actually working on you, he knew that he had to do something as your self proclaimed best friend. He invited Jonathan over to see what to do about it, pacing the floor and acting like he was planning a war strategy.

"We have to do something about this!" He said to Jonathan in the living room, with you easily listening from your bedroom easily listening. Hearing the two of them was like having a devil and angel on your shoulder. "Okay, what's our plan?"

"I don't know man. I think Billy's okay now, if I'm being honest. He's actually sorry, and he's okay now with y/n's powers. Maybe we should give him a chance?"

"Are you kidding me? And let my friend get hurt again? No, she's not going to fall for that dickhead again. Someone has to protect her; she's too innocent."

"Hey, dumbasses," You said from your door frame. "If you don't want me to listen in then maybe you shouldn't be talking about this crap in my house."

"See what I mean?! He taught her how to curse!" He then pointed to you. "And shut up. Your house is comfy, okay?"

"He's actually not wrong about that." Jonathan mumbled.

You scoffed. "I told you guys, we're not getting back together. And shouldn't I be able to make my own decisions anyways?"

"No, you need the guidance of a loyal friend." You rolled your eyes at his serious face, which then lit up with an idea. "I know exactly how to get him to back off! We need to get him jealous, and he'll get so pissed that he'll give up."

"You sure you don't just wanna see him get pissed?" Jonathan asked, scoffing as well.

Steve gave him a pat on the back. "That, my friend, is an added perk." He then gave the two of you a teasing smile.

The next morning when Billy went to your house to pick you up for school, he saw that Steve's car was parked there. He watched in disgust as the two of you came out, with your head down as you went into his car. Steve looked back, smiling and nodding at Billy. "You ever tried her pancakes?" He called out. "Delicious!"

He then got into the car too. You didn't look at Steve when saying, "You don't have to be an ass about it."

"You want him to move on or not?" Steve asked as you silently nodded.

Billy gripped his steering wheel as his breaths became deeper. You used to make him pancakes. You used to sit on his lap and feed it to him. Sometimes you'd lick the syrup off his lips. You'd never do that with that jerk off Steve, but the thought of you making something for Steve instead of him got Billy so fucking pissed.

At school, Billy thought about his options. He could still try to keep it up with strong flirting, but that dick off Steve would probably also start flirting. You hate conflict, and you'd hate that situation. Fucking Steve Harrington. How the hell was he supposed to win you back now?

It was time for him to really look back and think. When you two first got together, how did it happen? Back then, it happened slowly as you saw that his attention was focused on you. This was when you were just friends. Bingo.

When he saw you enter fourth period, he gently smiled and nodded his head. "Hey." You put your head down. "So, I was thinking. I'm sorry for going against what you want, and I think we should start over. As friends?"

This was painful for you, and you knew that you should just reject him so he can move on and be happy with someone else in the future. But you were dying to talk to him again; the conversations you missed so much. "Okay." You squeaked.

Unlike when you first met, this time he was the talker in the conversation and you were the listener. He rambled on and made jokes, and you responded with a smile or a nod, occasionally making a comment.

Once class ended the two of you were still talking when Steve walked into the classroom and smacked your shared desk, startling the both of you. "We should head over to lunch now. Let's go y/n."

Billy stood tall. "Sure thing. Let's all go."

"Let's not fight guys. Please." You quietly said.

Steve glanced at you before nodding. "Whatever you say. C'mon." He then put his hand on the small of your back to lead you out. Billy trailed behind, his nostrils flared and his teeth gritted.

You walked over to the basketball bleachers, with the two boys both ending up linking to each of your arms. Instead of sitting at you and Billy's usual spot, you sat on the other end. Billy took this as a sign that your memories together were still sacred to you. In actuality you knew it would fuel his anger if Steve sat at your 'special spot' that he loved so much.

"So, you two are, like, what? Friends now?" Steve asked, attitude in his voice.

"We never stopped being friends." Billy gave a shit eating grin.

"Well y'know, with kicking her out of your house and not accepting her for who she is I figured you guys were having a little trouble in paradise." He gave a shrug.

"Steve." You hissed.

"No, he's right." You whipped your head to Billy. "I did act like a jerk, but y'know what? Our bond is so fucking strong that I realized I don't care about any of it. She does that to me, I guess. Always reeling me back in, huh sweetheart?"

"As her best friend, I don't feel comfortable with you calling her that."

Billy gave a tch. "I'm her best friend."

You stood up out of anger and started walking away. "Where you going?" They said in unison.

"To Jonathan and Nancy." You turned to look back at them.

"You hate being around Nancy." Billy said.

"And you know Jonathan won't stand up to her."

"Yeah. Well, that should tell you how crappy I feel around you two right now." And with that you left.

"Very nice, ass wipe." Billy said as he shoved Steve.

"Really? This is my fault?" Billy only glared back at him. "Why can't you just leave her alone?"

"Why the fuck can't you just leave me alone?"

The two of them quickly got up and stomped away from each other, with Billy going over to an ecstatic Tommy and Steve trailing shamefully behind you as Nancy lectured you about not listening to her.

After school you slipped away from both boys and used a payphone to call Hopper. When he pulled up, you began walking over to his car before you heard Billy and Steve call out your name in unison. You started to speed walk before breaking out into a run when you saw them running over to you. You got into the car and slammed it shut. "Drive! Drive!"

Hopper, being flustered by your hurried tone, quickly drove off. "You wanna tell me why the hell we just Marty McFlyed the crap out of there?"

You let out a loud groan, ready to rant. "Ughhh! It's Billy and Steve! They keep fighting with each other, and it's about me. I hate that. They know I hate that, and yet they still have this alpha male bs going on. It's so stupid! I just want Billy to calm down, and Steve to tone it down! This whole thing is so dumb." You then quickly turned your head to Hopper, who had been listening helplessly, and caused him to jerk his head a bit in surprise. "What do you think?"

He was caught off guard by the question. "Uh, well... take a break from both of them. They sound like they're doing idiot things for good reasons, but they're jackasses if they're making you like this. Maybe you could try to be by yourself for a while."

You let out a breath and grinned. No matter what El or Mike said, you knew Hopper listened and you knew he was a smart person. In actuality, Hopper just wanted to say that these two were jackasses and that he should just arrest them for a day or two, but he knew you would get mad at him too, with your emotions all over the place.

You gave him a hug as he pulled up to your house. "Hopper you're a genius."

You happily got out of the car and went inside to your room, where Hopper smiled. He hoped you knew that he was there for you. That he could be your dad.

As you did your homework that night you got a call from your phone. When you answered, your face fell. "What do you want Steve?"

"Um, so you got home safe then?" He attempted to lighten the mood.

You sighed. "Goodbye Steve."

"No no no, wait! I'm sorry, I wanted to say that I'm sorry. We just really need to get him off of your ass, y'know?"

"I mean, he said he just wanted to be friends. Maybe we could go back to being just acquaintances?"

"God five, you'd think all things considered with you that you wouldn't be so stupid about this." Steve said this out of rage, but after hearing your soft gasp over the phone, he knew he just fucked up.

"Are you kidding me right now? You know what Steve, you'd think all things considered with you that you'd understand how hard it is for me to let him go, and how badly I want him back even though I know it's best to let him be."

"Five-"

"Don't ever call me that again!" You then hung up.

You breathed hard, trying to calm yourself down. You're not a crybaby. People who cry all the time are stupid, and you're not stupid. The damn telephone rang again, and you picked it up. "Damnit Steve, leave me alone!"

"Whoa there sweetheart, wrong guy."

You let out an involuntary breath of relief when you heard Billy's voice. It felt good to hear from him, but it just pained you in a worse way. He's trying his best to be perfect when you feel like you're too fucked up to even be allowed to have a boyfriend.

"Hi Billy." You said quietly, tears forming and your nose beginning to sting.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

You sucked it a hard breath. "People keep telling me things that hurt."

You were really struggling to hold back the tears. "Y/n–"

"I have to go!" You slammed the phone back. You rolled up into a ball, and cried. Maybe you are stupid.

Once you exhausted yourself and stopped crying, you saw headlights flashing outside. You confusedly and sluggishly got up, since everyone was asleep by now, and saw Billy's car. He got out and said nothing, swiftly bringing you in for a hug. You hugged back. "C'mon, let's get you inside."

You only nodded and let him guide you. You knew that this wasn't right, but you were too damn exhausted with everything to do anything about it. He kicked off his shoes where he normally did, and took you to your room. He laid you down on your bed, and got in with you.

"You shouldn't be here." You quietly said as he tugged you into his chest. You didn't do anything to stop him, and instead embraced the smell you missed so much.

"Course I should." He took a deep breath, before continuing. "I'm sorry for adding all this stress to you. I know you've always been my little rule follower."

You felt the tears begin to sting in your eyes again. "Y'know, Hopper's always told us to follow the rules. That people who don't follow the rules are stupid, and we're not stupid. We can't be, and we won't be." You looked up at him. "I can't even follow my own rules. Why am I so stupid? How do I even do better?"

"You're not stupid. Don't ever say that about yourself again. Okay?" He spoke sternly, and you nodded your head while he wiped away a tear with his thumb. "You're just confused. It's okay to be confused about your feelings. Just as long as you don't have any for cock sucker Steve." You could practically hear his smile.

"Mm. You don't really think I'd have feelings for him, do you?"

"Nah, he's too vanilla."

You snuggled into his chest. "So are you, but only in private."

"Only with you baby." He grabbed your chin, and kissed your lips for a second before you pulled back. "Too soon, got it. Do you want me to leave?"

You sighed, knowing it's better if he did. But you felt so safe with him there. "After I fall asleep? Please."

"Course doll." And the two of you stayed like that until you fell asleep, when Billy gently kissed your unconscious lips and silently slipped out of the house and off to his. He went to sleep, content that he could still make you feel safe.

---

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